Lucky 13 (A Poem)

One day when we’re old and gray(er),
I know we’ll look back and say to each other:
“Remember 13? We were younger and taller
and Lucy was smaller. Here we are now, and
I wouldn’t change a thing.”

A Woman at Forty (A Poem)

And anyway,
as old and as weathered and tired
as I ever get,
I hope I never stop looking up
at the moon and the stars and the clouds.
If I live to 100 or more,
I hope I wear every year and line,
every scar and gray hair and crow’s foot
with all the wonder and whimsy and
goddamn I told you so that I earned.
Because I wasn’t put on this planet to be quiet as a mouse
or pretty as a picture frozen in time.
I am a woman and I contain a whole world in me.
As much as I was made to nurture and to create and mend,
I wasn’t made to bend.
I was made to roar.
Cover your ears if you think it’s too loud.

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday: Hide and Seek

Another short post today, because things are just now starting to slow down after a busy week and weekend. But I hope it makes you smile. It gave us a good laugh. 🙂

Lucy found a new hiding place, y’all.

Only…she doesn’t quite fit. And it’s our pantry, so it’s not really the most convenient spot, but she sure does love it, so here we are. Toddler life, you guys.

Past and Present

As we prepare for Bill’s celebration of life, Graham’s family has been going through lots of keepsakes and photos. It’s a treasure trove, you guys. Diplomas, Christmas cards, newspaper clippings – it’s been incredible to look through all of it. Bill lived a big, beautiful life. And collected and kept everything, including old slides. Graham found a hard drive full of them, going all the way back to the 1940s.

Lucy looks so much like her dad, so I’m not surprised that she also looks like his dad.

Here’s baby Bill:

And here’s Lucy:

Both at Easter, 1944 and 2026.

And she didn’t just inherit his features. Look at this:

I mean, I know I never taught her how to do that, and yet…

The past and the present aren’t the same, but they sure are similar, aren’t they? Smiles all around.

I’m so grateful we have so many memories of Bill to share with Lucy when she’s older. I won’t ever let her forget her Papa Bill, and how wonderful he was, and how much he loved her.

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday: Scrapbooks and School Days

Graham’s family has been going through their scrapbooks, and y’all, some of this stuff. They’ve found so many beautiful memories – newspaper clippings and old photos and letters and just so much – and also some really funny ones. Like this:

Graham did very well in school, but apparently never, ever, ever, ever did his homework. Ever.

I can’t recall that I ever had to write a letter like this, and that his mom had to sign it! Oh my goodness! And for Graham, it didn’t seem to make much of a difference. But it sure is hilarious to revisit now!

One More for Bill

I’m forty today. It’s my birthday, and I’m sure I’ll write about it at some point. It doesn’t feel right, in this moment. Right now, I really just want to continue to focus my father-in-law, Bill. His life, how he loved us, and the amazing legacy he leaves behind for all of us.  

We’re feeling his absence pretty acutely right now. We miss him. And Graham wrote a beautiful remembrance that he shared with friends and family. I’m posting it here, too, because it’s good, and it’s heartfelt, and it’s how Bill ought to be remembered.

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So many people and organizations have written wonderful tributes to my dad, Bill Campbell, who passed away a little over a week ago on August 1. The Virginia Beach Art Center (Artists’ Gallery), the Virginia Museum of Contemporary Art, numerous friends, Katie, and the obituary T and my mom put together below.

I’m so thankful. I’ve been blown away by the posts, the comments, and the direct reach outs to me, to my mom, and to T. And I think it’s time to add some brief remembrances of my own.

I’m glad so much of what has been written about my dad talks about the art he created, and his work to support art and the artist community in Virginia Beach. This was a true love of his, and I’m so happy to see him remembered that way.

The broad outlines of his life, mentioned in the obituary, are also impressive – an improbable journey from a childhood in Yazoo City to Philips Exeter (applied on a whim!) to UNC, where he met my mom, on to Chicago where he received his graduate degree and started his career in advertising, and to Virginia Beach, where he would eventually co-found an agency and grow it into one of the most prestigious in the region. And, of course, his retirement in his 50s, which gave him time for a veritable second career as an artist. His family, friends, and community remember him as kind, curious, optimistic, cheerful, and a friend to all – as do I.

Against that, I suppose what I can add is a bit of extra color to a life well-lived and well-remembered. Some of my earliest memories of my dad are as the family videographer, capturing trips, reunions, performances, and our 1991 home renovation (which he playfully branded “Reach for the Sky”). It’s a role he kept with, and we now have hours upon hours of family memories captured, all with him as the behind-the-camera narrator. T and I used to laugh about this, and as kids we each went through phases of loving and hating the attention. Now I’m simply glad to have it all.

His intellectual curiosity was broad, but I think I can directly credit his love of gadgets with the career I’m in now. I remember him teaching me BASIC on the family Commodore 64 – my first experience in programming. We were a Mac family before it was cool. And, at the end of the day, he always wanted to keep up with the next new thing. He wasn’t satisfied to sit still and fall behind.

He had a love of older technology, too, which I fear I inherited. I still think back fondly on setting up his childhood train set every Christmas, even after it had begun to spark and derail and generally smell like an electrical fire. His record player still sits in the living room, and has inspired me to acquire a couple of my own.

I’m not certain which one of my parents first decided to encourage me in music, but I know it was my dad who first set up the Miracle keyboard which sparked my interest in the piano, and it was my dad who drove me to school early once every week for lessons when my interests shifted to violin (and later viola). I remember those trips fondly, listening to tapes of lives and music of the great composers. We would go to concerts of the Virginia Symphony together. He loved classical music, and wanted to share this with me. He also loved the blues, and while my enjoyment of the genre never crossed into full-blown passion, I will always remember fondly the concerts we went to together, the albums we listened to together.

And he loved adventure. Not only did Dad love to travel, he loved to explore while traveling, and made a point of seeking out the local flavor of wherever we were. He introduced me to skiing, went kayaking with me, biked with me down the boardwalk and back in First Landing State Park, and even co-led my trip to Philmont Scout Ranch – a serious backcountry trek including a climb up 12,441 foot Mt. Baldy.

After my dad’s retirement, he and my mom started traveling extensively with friends – to Napa Valley, to Europe, and beyond. It made me so happy that my parents were staying active, and staying adventurous, well after many people of their age would have settled down.

The last few years have brought the arrival of my daughter, Lucy. I have been blown away by the degree to which he immersed himself in her world – getting down on her level, finding a way into the games and projects her imagination created. He loved her, and filled her world with fun every time they were together. He was one of her favorite people. I only wish they had a few years more.

There’s of course so much more – his humor, his refusal to complain – or slow down – even in the face of health challenges, the many works of his art I have hanging in my house, the many, many more he produced. So many great conversations, so many wonderful stories. I realize that so much of what I like best about myself comes from him. I will always miss him, and will always be grateful.

Fallow (A Poem, a Loss, and a Remembrance)

I’ve had enough of grief,
so today I’ll focus on love.
I won’t give time to that moment when you lose someone,
when you feel your chest collapse,
you go concave and hollow and you know that you’re alone.
Because I know love never turns to loved.
Gone isn’t lost.
That place in your heart isn’t empty.
It couldn’t be.
It’s just gone fallow, and only for now.
Soon, again,
it will grow.
It will grow new and alive and long, like bright yellow flowers
turned royal blue.
We become legacies
forever and forever and forever
and that love will always go on.

Graham’s sweet dad, Bill, my wonderful father-in-law and Lucy’s most beloved Papa, passed away on Saturday at 6:04 p.m., surrounded by his wife of 58 years and his two sons. It happened quickly, though he’d been dealing with some health challenged for a long time. Meg, Graham, and T sat with him until the end, and I’m glad of it. He loved them, he loved all of us, and he would have done the same. He carried kindness, joy, curiosity, creativity, warmth, and a friendly smile everywhere he went. He painted, and puzzled, and loved wine and travel, and swam in the ocean, and never stopped doing the things that mattered to him

He lived. And in his memory, we will, too. Every day. I’ll miss him. I’m grateful that I got to know him, and I’m grateful that Lucy will carry his beautiful legacy.

He was a good man.

The Waiting (A Poem)

It’s the waiting that’s the worst –
Sleepless nights watching the phone,
willing it to ring,
or better not to.
Those nights aren’t quiet.
They’re sitting alone in the silent dark and
wondering
wondering
wondering
what comes next.
And then the most wrenching thought:
When?
When? When?
No good time.
No right moment.
Just this: The waiting
waiting
waiting
for the one thing you never wanted.

Just Another Merlin Monday

It’s been a while since I’ve written a post about Merlin, so I thought I’d show him some love today. Did you know he has a full name? It is Merlinus Ambrosius Toothifer Goodcat Campbell. A grand name for a grand cat.

He’s adjusted quite well, really, to living in Virginia Beach.

He loves to look out at all the birds and squirrels in our yard. And lately, he’s been trying to bust out of jail and go be a wild thing. It’s been…fun…to manage.

He’s always been Lucy’s friend and protector.

Though lately, she’s asking a lot of him.

Don’t worry. We keep him safe and we’re teaching her every day how to be gentle and give him the kind of attention he likes.

I haven’t shared this before, but Merlin is also a sick kitty. He seemed well when we first brought him home, but quickly developed symptoms of what we thought was a cold due to the stress of being in a new environment. He sneezed and coughed, and one of his eyes got sort of weepy and crusty.

We brought him to the vet as soon as possible, and he was diagnosed with Feline Calicivirus. It’s common, and if cats get it, they carry it for life. In many cats, it just manifests as a cold, and they don’t have symptoms again unless or until they’re old or sick. In other cats, it’s acute, and deadly. In Merlin’s case, it’s chronic. He’s okay, just sneezy and occasionally snotty. And unfortunately, the virus also attacked his teeth and gums, and we’ve had to have several of his teeth pulled so that he can eat comfortably. Whatever we have to do for the rest of his life to take care of him, we will. He’s our family.

And he’s a happy cat. And very, very good.

We’re so grateful for him. There just aren’t many like him. How lucky we are, that we found him, and that he’s decided to love us back.