I saw a friend at one of my favorite places over the weekend. I hadn’t been too keen on going out, but I’m glad I did, because I hadn’t seen her in a couple of years, or her husband, and it was nice to catch up with them. And, as it turns out, their beautiful baby girl.

She and I chatted for a minute, and she gave me her best advice for getting through pregnancy without going crazy: DON’T READ.

She also told me not to be a hero when it comes to pain management during labor, and to look into physical therapy to help with birth. But it was the “Don’t Read” that stood out to me, because she is so very, very, very correct. If pregnant women believed everything we read online – on community boards, in advice articles, and, unsurprisingly, on social media, we’d only ever lay in bed and eat steamed broccoli with no seasoning and drink triple-distilled, filtered water with no ice. It’s a scary internet out there, y’all.

So today, I thought I’d share some of the most interesting, untrue, utterly useless, silly things I’ve either read or been told so far during my pregnancy. Note that I’ve done my best to fact-check these, but I’m not a doctor. If you’re pregnant and you’re worried or have questions, the best person to talk to is your doctor or midwife. Seriously. Just call your doctor. Dr. Google doesn’t count.

No pineapple for you!

Did you know that pregnant women aren’t supposed to eat pineapple because it can trigger labor? Neither did I. Because it’s a myth. Every actual piece of evidence I’ve encountered indicates that pineapple is safe to eat during pregnancy and is a healthy choice. I like it with cottage cheese in the morning, which I promise is much tastier than it sounds.

You’re not supposed to tell anyone until you’re 20 weeks.

Says who? This is such a personal choice, and there is no right or wrong time. If you choose to wait until after your 20-week anatomy scan, cool! If you’re excited and happy and just bursting to share your wonderful news at 5 weeks, go for it! Telling or not telling won’t change the outcome of your pregnancy. You won’t jinx anything by sharing your joy. If you want people to know, just tell them. It might help, during those tough weeks of the first trimester, to have a shoulder (or many) to cry on and friends who can make you laugh as you fight through the fatigue and nausea.

A fast fetal heart rate means a baby girl.

There is evidence that baby girls have a higher heart rate during birth, but that’s it. That early fetal heart rate doesn’t indicate gender, at all. Not even a little. Neither does carrying high or low, which is more dictated by your body shape and the muscle tone in your abdomen.

Don’t raise your arms over your head!

I don’t even know where to start with this one.

EVERY FOOD IS UNSAFE! DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!

This is one of the best places to listen to your doctor, and not the internet, not some random coworker, not your friend who heard this from her Great Aunt Whatever. Not even me, as I sit here writing this, because again, I’m not an expert. Here’s what I do know: Listeria and toxoplasmosis ARE dangerous, so check for outbreaks and recalls and listen to your doctor when he/she tells you what foods to avoid.

Sorry you’ll have to give up your coffee.

No, I won’t. And I haven’t. My midwives tell me that up to 200 mg of caffeine per day is safe. I’m continuing to have my morning cuppa, thank you. And you should really be thanking me, because I’m doing you a favor. You wouldn’t like me before my morning coffee.

Rehome your cat!

Nope, no way. I’m not changing the litter box, but I’ve learned that you can safely cuddle with your kitty totally worry-free. Just wash your hands after. Merlin is MINE. His home is with me. And I think he’ll really love Baby Girl when she gets here.

A tiny bit of alcohol won’t hurt!

I debated including this one, because different doctors give different advice here, and different women make different choices. But we don’t know the safe amount of alcohol for pregnant people to consume. There have been studies with some interesting results, but for me, I’d rather not take my chances. And honestly, shocking as it is because craft cider and beer are a major part of my social life, I don’t miss it. But, if you’re pregnant and really just want a glass of wine with dinner, talk to your doctor. Seeing a theme here? TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR.

Anterior placentas are bad.

My placenta is about half and half, anterior (front of uterus) and posterior (back of uterus). No medical provider has ever told me to worry about an anterior placenta, and from what I can find, it isn’t unsafe, is usually not a cause for any concern, and I can’t find consistent evidence that it actually impacts when you’ll feel the baby move. Some people say it does, and some say it doesn’t. I’m pretty sure I’ve felt little flutters, and I’m 18 weeks today.

Time to eat for two!

Nope, not quite. You only need about 300 extra calories per day. For reference, that’s about 1 apple and 2 tablespoons of peanut butter. Your doctor will have more advice for you on how much weight you should gain, but definitely don’t eat enough calories for two fully-grown adult humans. I’ve been eating an extra snack every day (I love apples and cheese sticks, yogurt and honey, or some peanut butter on rice cakes), and it’s been keeping me full and satisfied. But again, talk to your doctor. (Or midwife. Just, you know, the medical professional you are seeing.)

I’ve also gotten so much good advice, which I’m happy to share if you’d like to read it! (Let me know.) And I feel very loved and supported right now. But myths about pregnancy abound, and even well-meaning, kind, loving people can share information that makes you anxious, scares you, or is incorrect. If it helps, I read Expecting Better by Emily Oster before I got pregnant, and found it to be full of good, well-researched information that made me feel much better and more comfortable with what nine months carrying a small human would look like.

Pregnancy is such a journey, and it is so personal. I hope that if you’re pregnant now, or if you’re planning to get pregnant soon, your journey is smooth and full of the kind of love and support that we all deserve. And watch out for the myths that rob you of your joy and unnecessarily limit how you live your life. They’re out there, certainly, but knowledge is power.  You got this, mama. And I do, too.