My heart sure is full this Valentine’s Day.
No chocolate or flowers required! (…Which is good, because I haven’t had time to go to the store this week. 😉)
My Little Valentine
Personal Essays
A Very Happy Saturday Indeed
I’ll start with the good news, right up front:
As of now, it appears that Lucy is not, in fact, allergic to peanut butter or eggs!
Y’all, I am so relieved. I was ready to hear the opposite news, and ready to make the subsequent lifestyle changes, and I know we would have managed just fine, as many people do. But I’m really glad that we don’t have to do that.
The sort of not great news is this:
The allergist thinks that what we saw was a contact reaction, and Lucy has really sensitive skin.
Apparently, this is quite common in very young children, and he was not concerned. We do need to be careful, though, and until she’s a little older and neater, if we’re feeding eggs, peanut butter, or other allergens or irritants, we should feed them to her, rather than letting her feed herself. (Lucy will NOT like that, but it will be fine.)
The allergy test itself was super interesting. Did you know that these tests have a 50% false positive rate? I didn’t. Or that they are 97% accurate when they come out negative? I didn’t know that either. Lucy actually reacted to everything, even the negative control, but the doctor was able to measure anyway, and was not worried at all. It was very reassuring, and we got some good advice for introducing allergens in the future. (Happy to share, if anyone is interested or curious!)
Lucy did not enjoy the tests, and still has some little marks on her back, but she was back to herself within a few minutes. And today she’s just doing her usual stuff. All’s good here. Just ask the napping people:
So, that’s that for now. And hopefully for good. Being a parent really is a whole new world!
The Dreaded Peanut Allergy
Well, this is not the post I expected to write this week. We’ll start here:
Nutritionist, food-savvy, and parent friends, I need your help!
Because, alas, it appears that Lucy is allergic to peanuts. (And eggs. But I’m much more worried about the peanuts.)
We’ve fed her peanut butter several times, and thought we were in the clear. I was relieved, because I love peanut butter. Like, love it. Like, ate it constantly during my pregnancy and breastfeeding, always have it on hand, believe it is both a healthy snack and a dessert, eat it on a spoon in a pinch kind of love. It seems we will not be so lucky.
Yesterday, while eating a peanut butter sandwich, Lucy developed a small rash on her face, and it spread to her neck, arms, and belly. It wasn’t that bad. It didn’t look like hives, and disappeared quickly, so we weren’t sure how concerned to be. A call to the nurse line at our pediatrician’s office sent us to the emergency room, which felt excessive. And it was, because a later, follow-up call from our pediatrician – when we were most of the way to the hospital – confirmed that while this looks like an allergy, we could just monitor for worse symptoms. There were none. She is fine.
Thank goodness.
We cleaned EVERYTHING. And we’ve been advised to get rid of any peanut products in the house for now. And I’m getting a new high chair, because it is impossible to clear all the peanut butter off of the one we have. (Lucy is a leisurely, messy eater. It’s beautiful to watch.)
And now, until we have our next appointment and can hopefully get a referral to an allergist to confirm what’s going on, we feel like we’re operating in the dark. I’m not too worried about the egg allergy. It’s apparently quite common in very young children and in many children will go away when they’re older. But peanuts? I’ve heard that one’s scary. Neither Graham nor I have any major allergies, and aside from checking food labels and being careful, I have no idea what to do here.
So, friends, do you have experience with peanut (and egg) allergies? How do you handle it? Know of any great peanut butter or egg alternatives? Have favorite recipes that use neither? (Seriously, cookies! I have to be able to make her cookies!) Have any good advice for how to approach this situation?
What I’m saying is: Tell. Me. Everything.
And also, thank you! I do, in fact, get by with a little help from my friends. And I’m so grateful!
My 2025 Word of the Year
Before Lucy was born, I worked really hard to set tangible, measurable goals every year. I enjoyed the process, and I enjoyed the results, too. But…life looks very different now. So last year, I started a new practice, and chose a word of the year.
I have friends who’ve done this for a long time. They appreciate it, and it works for them.
It didn’t quite work for me last year.
But, to be fair, last year was very…overwhelming. (In a good way. And in a hard one, too.)
So, we’re trying again!
I thought hard about my word this year. I wanted to choose something that would adequately capture the challenge of living in a new place with a one-year-old and trying to figure out how my needs and the things that I want to accomplish for myself fit into that picture. I came to one conclusion:
That’s what I’m going to do this year.
I’ll explore my new home, and my creative goals, and my writing journey, and my own (scary messy but still somehow organized-ish) mind. My heart, my relationships, my feelings, my anxieties, my fears.
I’m going to make this year a year of glorious, purposeful exploration.
I’m so excited to see what I’ll discover.
Good Morning, Goodbye, Hello, and Hope
Good morning, New Year’s Eve.
And goodbye, 2024.
What, exactly, should I say about 2024? Perhaps that it was a year of change and challenge, immense joy and incredible fear, deep and new and all-encompassing love, disappointments and expectations and successes and surprises and sleepless nights.
I hope that 2025 is kind to me, and to all of us.
I hope that in the new year, things get better and not worse. I hope my family stays safe and happy and healthy. I hope that love and comfort and peace find the people who need them most, and that all people remember that we have more in common than we think, and more to gain through compassion than through hate.
I hope that this new year brings joy and music and fun and good stories. I hope that the beach becomes home.
I hope that Lucy grows and learns and knows every day how loved and wanted and perfect she is.
I hope that I make good mistakes – the kind that lead to lessons and laughs and not too many consequences – and that I learn, too, and that I create, and that I discover more about myself and who I am as a mom, and as a writer, and as a human. I hope that I can bring those things together in harmony.
I hope.
I hope.
I hope.
That’s what I have. That’s what we all have, always. Hope is undying and eternal and as powerful as we allow it to be.
I choose power. I choose hope.
So, goodbye 2024, and thank you. For everything.
And hello 2025. Let’s work together to make something good.
A Big First
It’s a big deal, meeting your very first celebrity.
Lucy kept her cool. (She is the coolest.)
But in all seriousness, these first memories…I just had no idea how special they would feel. It’s like looking at life through all new eyes. I know that sounds trite, and I suppose I’m sort of late to the party. But here I am. I couldn’t have known, couldn’t have totally undserstood, before. I can only be in the moment I’m in.
And that’s one of life’s great discoveries, isn’t it? And one of its most beautiful and hardest lessons.
We only have right now.
And y’all, this is such an amazing now.
The Long (Break) and the Short (Story) Of It
Here’s the short of it: It’s been over a year. I am so ready to get back to writing. And I mean, real writing. Like, creating. You know, the magic – putting words together and making something that didn’t exist before it came together on a blank page.
Here’s the long:
Having a 1-year-old, and the year and change in between her birth and now, is busy, crazy, different every day, and exhausting. It’s also amazing, inspiring, fun, and its own kind of magic. Lucy is my whole life, and finding ways to bring her needs into harmony with my own has been a challenge that I meet in novel, interesting ways every day. Some days, I succeed, and we’re both satisfied. Some days, I…don’t succeed quite as well…and she is happy and her needs are met and I have not even brushed my teeth. Time for writing? Nah. I barely have time to eat. “Well, you’ll make time for what matters.” Dude, have you had a baby? SHE matters. More than anything else. But I matter, too. And I do want to make time.
So, where does that leave me? What does it mean?
It means that, for the next month, I’m going to sit down at least once a week and jot down ideas, and good lines of dialogue, and when I can, a few paragraphs of beginnings and endings. And come January, I’m going to start posting short stories again.
I don’t know if I’ll do a theme like I have in past years, or if I’ll try something different. Back in October of 2023, I posted the start of something fun, and maybe I’ll revisit that. I would like to know how it ends.
I don’t know exactly what my writing will look like in the new year, but I’m going to do it, and there will be stories. I hope you’ll read them!
But for now, Lucy’s waking up from her nap.
Happy Thanksgiving!
…to everyone celebrating today! Lucy, for one, is very excited to help.
I’ll be back in December with some fun posts, but for now, we’re spending time with family and trying to get ready for Christmas. (Will we decorate this year? In our new house? Where we are still not totally unpacked? We shall see…) This is going to be a busy holiday season, I can already tell, and while I’m a bit intimidated, I am also so excited to start new traditions in our new home with our beautiful baby girl – who is now officially a toddler, which is amazing all on its own.
So, happy eating and many thanks for all the good things, y’all. See you next week!
One Year
This avocado supermodel is one year old today.
I’ve been wrestling with what to say about that. A poem? An essay about motherhood and all the wonderful things about Lucy? A list of that enumerates and explains this experience so far?
Nothing feels quite right.
Probably because nothing quite captures how I feel.
I’ve never loved this big. I’ve never worked this hard. I’ve never felt this tired. I’ve never been this happy.
One year of absolute, complete and all-encompassing joy with my beautiful, strong, smart, spunky, funny, fearless girl.
One year with my Lucy.
I’ve often said that perfection doesn’t exist in this universe. As it turns out, I was wrong. Because this –
This is perfection.
The Big News
Here’s something I never thought I’d say:
I live at the beach.
It’s not like I didn’t know this was a possibility. Graham grew up here, and we’ve talked for years about potentially moving and living closer to family. Other places always just called a little louder.
How things have changed.
Let me back up.
I teased a big announcement a few weeks ago, and mentioned a few posts ago – back in August, maybe? – that lots of things were happening in our little corner of the world. So, now you know. The big news? We’ve moved! The lots of things? Making plans…to move.
We are officially residents of Virginia Beach.
I miss our village and our farmhouse fiercely. All the time. But now we’re closer to Graham’s parents, and Lucy will get to know them. That feels so important. (My parents helped us move, and plan to visit monthly. The beach and the grandbaby are good incentives to travel. 😊) Graham is so excited for Lucy to grow up at the ocean, and I’m interested in what life looks like in a beach town when it’s not summer.
We’ve set up shop in a lovely (20-year-old…what an adjustment!) house in a very nice neighborhood right on the water. The views are great.
We’ve got room now for a large, cozy couch, which Lucy and her BFF Merlin have put to good use already.
And Graham’s parents are just so elated to see Lucy as often as possible.
And y’all, Lucy has figured out how to climb the stairs at their house.
Her first birthday is next week, and she’s just growing so fast! It’s beautiful to watch.
Things are bittersweet around here, though. There’s so much to be happy about and grateful for. But every new beginning also means a goodbye, and this one hurts. I’m thankful for our time in an old home in the country, for the people we met there and the community that welcomed us and loved us and lifted us up whenever we needed it.
But you know what? You take yourself with you wherever you go, and all of that love is still part of me. It’s still part of us and the life we’ll build from here on out.
And I hope you’ll stay with me, too! I imagine there will be plenty to write about, being that I’m now a country mountain critter making a home in a busy beach city.
So cheers to the start of a new adventure, y’all! May it be good.
A Virginia Writer's Diary 