One More for Bill

I’m forty today. It’s my birthday, and I’m sure I’ll write about it at some point. It doesn’t feel right, in this moment. Right now, I really just want to continue to focus my father-in-law, Bill. His life, how he loved us, and the amazing legacy he leaves behind for all of us.  

We’re feeling his absence pretty acutely right now. We miss him. And Graham wrote a beautiful remembrance that he shared with friends and family. I’m posting it here, too, because it’s good, and it’s heartfelt, and it’s how Bill ought to be remembered.

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So many people and organizations have written wonderful tributes to my dad, Bill Campbell, who passed away a little over a week ago on August 1. The Virginia Beach Art Center (Artists’ Gallery), the Virginia Museum of Contemporary Art, numerous friends, Katie, and the obituary T and my mom put together below.

I’m so thankful. I’ve been blown away by the posts, the comments, and the direct reach outs to me, to my mom, and to T. And I think it’s time to add some brief remembrances of my own.

I’m glad so much of what has been written about my dad talks about the art he created, and his work to support art and the artist community in Virginia Beach. This was a true love of his, and I’m so happy to see him remembered that way.

The broad outlines of his life, mentioned in the obituary, are also impressive – an improbable journey from a childhood in Yazoo City to Philips Exeter (applied on a whim!) to UNC, where he met my mom, on to Chicago where he received his graduate degree and started his career in advertising, and to Virginia Beach, where he would eventually co-found an agency and grow it into one of the most prestigious in the region. And, of course, his retirement in his 50s, which gave him time for a veritable second career as an artist. His family, friends, and community remember him as kind, curious, optimistic, cheerful, and a friend to all – as do I.

Against that, I suppose what I can add is a bit of extra color to a life well-lived and well-remembered. Some of my earliest memories of my dad are as the family videographer, capturing trips, reunions, performances, and our 1991 home renovation (which he playfully branded “Reach for the Sky”). It’s a role he kept with, and we now have hours upon hours of family memories captured, all with him as the behind-the-camera narrator. T and I used to laugh about this, and as kids we each went through phases of loving and hating the attention. Now I’m simply glad to have it all.

His intellectual curiosity was broad, but I think I can directly credit his love of gadgets with the career I’m in now. I remember him teaching me BASIC on the family Commodore 64 – my first experience in programming. We were a Mac family before it was cool. And, at the end of the day, he always wanted to keep up with the next new thing. He wasn’t satisfied to sit still and fall behind.

He had a love of older technology, too, which I fear I inherited. I still think back fondly on setting up his childhood train set every Christmas, even after it had begun to spark and derail and generally smell like an electrical fire. His record player still sits in the living room, and has inspired me to acquire a couple of my own.

I’m not certain which one of my parents first decided to encourage me in music, but I know it was my dad who first set up the Miracle keyboard which sparked my interest in the piano, and it was my dad who drove me to school early once every week for lessons when my interests shifted to violin (and later viola). I remember those trips fondly, listening to tapes of lives and music of the great composers. We would go to concerts of the Virginia Symphony together. He loved classical music, and wanted to share this with me. He also loved the blues, and while my enjoyment of the genre never crossed into full-blown passion, I will always remember fondly the concerts we went to together, the albums we listened to together.

And he loved adventure. Not only did Dad love to travel, he loved to explore while traveling, and made a point of seeking out the local flavor of wherever we were. He introduced me to skiing, went kayaking with me, biked with me down the boardwalk and back in First Landing State Park, and even co-led my trip to Philmont Scout Ranch – a serious backcountry trek including a climb up 12,441 foot Mt. Baldy.

After my dad’s retirement, he and my mom started traveling extensively with friends – to Napa Valley, to Europe, and beyond. It made me so happy that my parents were staying active, and staying adventurous, well after many people of their age would have settled down.

The last few years have brought the arrival of my daughter, Lucy. I have been blown away by the degree to which he immersed himself in her world – getting down on her level, finding a way into the games and projects her imagination created. He loved her, and filled her world with fun every time they were together. He was one of her favorite people. I only wish they had a few years more.

There’s of course so much more – his humor, his refusal to complain – or slow down – even in the face of health challenges, the many works of his art I have hanging in my house, the many, many more he produced. So many great conversations, so many wonderful stories. I realize that so much of what I like best about myself comes from him. I will always miss him, and will always be grateful.

Fallow (A Poem, a Loss, and a Remembrance)

I’ve had enough of grief,
so today I’ll focus on love.
I won’t give time to that moment when you lose someone,
when you feel your chest collapse,
you go concave and hollow and you know that you’re alone.
Because I know love never turns to loved.
Gone isn’t lost.
That place in your heart isn’t empty.
It couldn’t be.
It’s just gone fallow, and only for now.
Soon, again,
it will grow.
It will grow new and alive and long, like bright yellow flowers
turned royal blue.
We become legacies
forever and forever and forever
and that love will always go on.

Graham’s sweet dad, Bill, my wonderful father-in-law and Lucy’s most beloved Papa, passed away on Saturday at 6:04 p.m., surrounded by his wife of 58 years and his two sons. It happened quickly, though he’d been dealing with some health challenged for a long time. Meg, Graham, and T sat with him until the end, and I’m glad of it. He loved them, he loved all of us, and he would have done the same. He carried kindness, joy, curiosity, creativity, warmth, and a friendly smile everywhere he went. He painted, and puzzled, and loved wine and travel, and swam in the ocean, and never stopped doing the things that mattered to him

He lived. And in his memory, we will, too. Every day. I’ll miss him. I’m grateful that I got to know him, and I’m grateful that Lucy will carry his beautiful legacy.

He was a good man.

Just Another Merlin Monday

It’s been a while since I’ve written a post about Merlin, so I thought I’d show him some love today. Did you know he has a full name? It is Merlinus Ambrosius Toothifer Goodcat Campbell. A grand name for a grand cat.

He’s adjusted quite well, really, to living in Virginia Beach.

He loves to look out at all the birds and squirrels in our yard. And lately, he’s been trying to bust out of jail and go be a wild thing. It’s been…fun…to manage.

He’s always been Lucy’s friend and protector.

Though lately, she’s asking a lot of him.

Don’t worry. We keep him safe and we’re teaching her every day how to be gentle and give him the kind of attention he likes.

I haven’t shared this before, but Merlin is also a sick kitty. He seemed well when we first brought him home, but quickly developed symptoms of what we thought was a cold due to the stress of being in a new environment. He sneezed and coughed, and one of his eyes got sort of weepy and crusty.

We brought him to the vet as soon as possible, and he was diagnosed with Feline Calicivirus. It’s common, and if cats get it, they carry it for life. In many cats, it just manifests as a cold, and they don’t have symptoms again unless or until they’re old or sick. In other cats, it’s acute, and deadly. In Merlin’s case, it’s chronic. He’s okay, just sneezy and occasionally snotty. And unfortunately, the virus also attacked his teeth and gums, and we’ve had to have several of his teeth pulled so that he can eat comfortably. Whatever we have to do for the rest of his life to take care of him, we will. He’s our family.

And he’s a happy cat. And very, very good.

We’re so grateful for him. There just aren’t many like him. How lucky we are, that we found him, and that he’s decided to love us back.

Music, Memory, Elegy, and a Good Man (Revisiting an Old Poem)

I think this might have been the first poem I ever posted on the blog. I didn’t have a lot of followers then, and I don’t know that it’s gotten a lot of attention. I’m happy to have an opportunity to share it again, thanks to Annie at Tales of a Family, who posted a writing prompt for this week “inviting us to remember the men who shaped our lives – not always through grand speeches or big moments, but through the quiet lessons they lived every day.”

I’ve talked about my grandfather, James, in the collaboration Annie and I have been working on, about how his death prompted me to start my creative journey. But his life inspired me, too. He worked hard, he fought in World War II and lost friends doing it, he loved and supported his family (his wife, my beautiful grandmother and his six children), and he enjoyed the small, quiet moments you can carve out in a busy, not always easy life. He loved fishing, sitting on the porch swing, making music. He taught me to love those moments, too.

So here’s a poem for him, a memory and an elegy, that I’m grateful to revisit, called “My Grandfather’s Guitar.”


My grandfather’s guitar sits in a corner of my study
untouched, gathering dust.
When I was young and he was already old, it could pull notes straight from the air
through his fingers and into my ears.
I can hear them, though he is gone and his instrument’s gone quiet.
When I was young, not even ten,
he’d pick it up and start to play and then I’d go still,
stuck to one spot until he was done.
My grandfather’s guitar in his hands made magic, but I was too young to understand
that music is magic made real for a moment.
A fret and a twang and he’d made something that didn’t exist before
and wouldn’t again.
I sometimes imagine myself back there, wearing muddy tennis shoes with tangled hair,
just listening.
I can hear it, but no song ever sounds the same twice.

Mayhem and the Mandolin

Y’all, my heart is so happy.

My parents came to visit last week. Graham’s work has been insane, and some nights he’s been up until 3:00 a.m. or later. We were struggling. We were both tired, our house was a mess. The cat’s feeling neglected. I don’t even want to talk about laundry.

We needed help. And we got it, and more.

My family has always done music. I’ve posted about it a lot, and I’m just so elated that Lucy seems to love music, too. My dad brought out his mandolin, and she was just fascinated.

Absolutely entranced. And she wanted to try it for herself.

She cried when he put it away. She’s never done that before, with any toy. (We got it back out and gave it back to her, of course.)

These little moments, they just keep coming. Lucy is an easy baby, but life around her has been generally chaotic. These sweet new memories make all that chaos seem like nothing at all.

Music and Family (and a Crowd-Pleasing Singalong!)

In my family, it’s not a reunion unless there’s music. There’s always a guitar or three, someone singing, a harmonica and a mandolin in the background – you get the picture. A family day just isn’t complete without some good noise. And now that Graham’s family is part of my family and vice versa, it seems only right to share the music. Which is exactly what we did this past weekend.

And of course, I want to share it with all of you, too. 😊

So, here’s a favorite of mine and my dad’s, written by Gillian Welch:

And here we are goofing off on a crowd-pleaser, Wagon Wheel, with a family singalong and a cute mash-up.

We had so much fun, and I think the family did, too. I hope we all get to come together again soon, but until then, I’m grateful for the time we had, and for the happy memories.

A Weekend Break

Graham and I will be spending time with family this weekend. We’ve not seen some of these folks in ages, and we’re so excited. 🙂 So, in light of that, I’ll be taking a short break from posting. I’ll be back on Wednesday, June 22nd, though, hopefully with some good stories to share and good memories to keep.

Be sure to check back next week, and in the meantime, happy creating, y’all!

Making (Musical) Christmas Memories

Hello from the other side! Of Christmas, that is. We had a wonderful holiday – busy, but so good, and I’m grateful for it. We ate lots of delicious food, spent time with my parents and a few good friends, and made so many happy memories.

And, you know me. Of course, there was music. So we made some musical memories, too.

I mentioned in a post a few months ago that Graham had really taken to the mandolin my Dad brought the last time my parents visited. This visit, we were able to actually sit down and play a couple of songs. It was so much fun, and so cool to see Graham get more comfortable. And luckily, my mom took a couple of videos. I wanted to post them here, because good memories, and especially good music, should always be shared.

This one’s an old gospel song I used to hear all the time growing up.

And here’s a new classic.

Both songs were keyed a little low for me, but it made things a little easier on Graham, so it’s all good. 😊 I hope you enjoyed listening!

And I hope you had a lovely holiday – or, just a lovely weekend – as well!

True story, y’all…

My mom and I were having a funny conversation a couple of weeks ago, talking about how stubbornness runs in the family. Like, both families. My dad’s and my mom’s. And so I come by my stubbornness honestly, and I told her that. I added that out of the three of us, I thought I was probably the least stubborn, and my dad was the most. She said she’s much less stubborn than me. I told her she’s absolutely more stubborn than I am. (Though we both seemed to agree that my dad is the most stubborn of all of us, so there’s that, I suppose.)

This (good-natured) back and forth went on for a little while, and then Graham (poor Graham), came upstairs to make a cup of coffee. So of course, I asked him to settle the matter and declare which of us – my mom or me – was the least stubborn.

“Your mom,” he said. “You’re so much more stubborn than your mom.”

She burst out laughing. I objected. The conversation eventually moved on.

And then I sat down today to write a poem for the blog. I wasn’t even thinking of the stubbornness conversation. Honestly, I was sitting in my chair looking outside at the sunshine and the cardinals in the yard, happy as a clam.

But, well, this is what I wrote:

Please, by all means,
tell me I can’t.
There is no better way
on the face of this planet
to ensure that
not only can I,
I will.

Y’all, I think Graham may have been right…