pregnant

The nursery’s done!

/ Katie / 26 Comments

Well, mostly.

We still have a few things to organize and put away, and Merlin’s food will need to move, but otherwise, and finally, we have a nursery!

I’m so pleased with how it came out. We went back and forth about whether to put our books back on the shelves, but honestly, it makes me sort of happy that Baby Girl’s space, at least for now, will be full of books. That’s the reader and writer in me, I suppose.

And we love the wallpaper!

It’s the first time we’ve put wallpaper up in the house – well, our neighbor, who is amazing, did it for us – and I think it looks great. We definitely need a new rug, though. I ordered one that’s a little warmer and more neutral, so I hope it looks nice when it arrives. We shall see!

I know that Baby Girl will sleep in our bedroom for the first several months of her life, but it feels so good to have a room ready for her, all her own.

I just can’t wait to bring her home.

It’s Friday! (Time to finish the nursery.)

/ Katie / 12 Comments

And that’s it. That’s all I’m doing with this day. It is a priority. My only priority. Unless Baby Girl makes a surprise appearance, everything else can wait.

I’m 37 weeks pregnant today. She will be here before we know it, and while she has a place to sleep – we’ve set up a bassinet in our bedroom – I want her to have her own space. I want to bring her home to a room that feels like hers. And the good news is, if we can get this chaos (it’s all her stuff, in our parlor) under control…

…we’re in a good spot to make that happen!

Her room has been painted, and it’s ready to be organized. We’ve got clothes, and they’ve been washed. We’ve got diapers. We’ve got the crib, which is so much more complicated to put together than it needs to be, and I’ve been collecting art for this space since we decided to try for a baby.

It WILL get done.

35 Weeks (or, Getting Real About Writing, Prep, and Overall Chaos)

/ Katie / 35 Comments

I’m 35 weeks pregnant. Or, more accurately, I’m 35 weeks and 3 days pregnant. If you’ve ever been pregnant, you’ll know that those three days, at this stage, definitely, absolutely matter.

I came at 34 weeks and 2 days, which means that I’m officially more pregnant than my mother has ever been, which is a strange feeling. And my own Baby Girl does not seem to be in a similar hurry at this point, which I’m definitely grateful for. I want her to stay in there and grow and get strong for as long as she needs to. She’s currently squirming near my belly button, and I’m so thankful that she’s there and safe and, as far as I can tell, pretty darn happy in her little water bed. But y’all, I’m so ready to meet her.

This hasn’t been a journey of nine months. From the time that we decided to try for a baby, through our horrible miscarriage, up to now, Graham and I have been waiting for this moment for almost two years. I’m ready for go time. I’m not afraid to give birth. I’m not worried about the pain. I’m just ready. There is one way for her to come into this world, and that’s out of me. I’m not scared. I’m excited.

But I’m also exhausted, both mentally and physically. I can’t get comfortable – ever, really, but especially at night. I can’t sleep. I have to pee all the time. My back and hips hurt. My belly feels tight and itchy. Some days, I can’t get enough food. Some days, even the thought of crackers makes me want to vomit. My feet and ankles and fingers are swollen. And though I’m not particularly weepy or grouchy, when I do feel an emotion – any emotion – I feel it more deeply and for more time than I think I ever have before. Pregnancy is crazy. And empowering, humbling, magical…

As we get closer to her due date, I find that I’m having trouble focusing on much of anything. I can’t write the way I normally do, because I can’t really give anything my full attention for more than, like, 15 minutes at a time. Thus, the multi-part short story to finish out the year. It’s the only way I can really get it done. And while we have everything I think we’ll need when Baby Girl arrives, we haven’t set up our nursery. Everything is just sitting in our parlor. It’s organized, but it’s certainly not where I want it to be.

We’ll get there. She has a place to sleep, clothes, diapers… We’re going to be okay. Even though we’re not quite as put together as I’d hoped at this point, and with the ongoing renovation work, things are a little less than ideal, we’re going to be fine.

And I feel like I ought to just get used to that feeling moving forward. Plans? Eh, good luck. Expectations? Keep them nice and low. Boundaries? Yes, needed, set them now. I am learning to be okay with chaos.

I don’t know what this blog will look like once she’s here. I’d like to keep writing and posting. I plan to. I love reading your work. I’m hoping that even if I have to pull back for a while, I won’t go radio silent. We shall see. But for now, know that I’m grateful to you for inspiring me, engaging with me, enjoying what I create, and sticking with me. These next few months will look different, but who knows? Different could be just what I needed. Different could be perfect.

And no matter what, there will be so much love in our little farmhouse. I wonder if Baby Girl knows, even now, just how very loved she is. Soon enough, she will.

I Failed, Y’all (Or, The Dreaded Glucose Tolerance Test)

/ Katie / 36 Comments

If you’ve been pregnant, you know what I’m talking about. And hopefully, you got a better result than mine.

Because I failed.

Let me back up.

With the disclaimer that I am not a doctor and I’m only giving a high-level overview based on my understanding, here’s what I know. One of the standard tests you get when you’re pregnant is a blood test to see how your body is processing sugar. You start with a screening test, and it’s important to do, because it can determine whether or not you have gestational diabetes, which is bad, if left untreated. Your medical provider will give you a super sweet, syrupy beverage to drink in five minutes – I promise it’s not actually that terrible and tastes mostly like a melted popsicle – and then an hour later, will draw your blood to check your sugar level. Sounds simple, and really, it is. If you pass, you’re good to go. It gets a little more complicated if you fail.

Which I did.

Not by much, but by enough that I am now required to take the three-hour diagnostic test. This test will tell me definitively whether I have gestational diabetes. It’s an important thing to know, and I think something like ten percent of women will develop gestational diabetes in their pregnancies. From what I’ve read, it’s often not a result of lifestyle choices, and has a lot more to do with hormones and how your body reacts to having a placenta. I’m grateful to be alive and pregnant in a time when this test is routine and available, and when gestational diabetes is something we know how to manage. But man, I’m just not looking forward to that test. It’ll be a total of twelve hours of fasting, a larger sugar drink, and four blood draws total over the course of three hours. It’s not going to be fun. But it’s worth it. It really is.

So, I’m planning to take it easy this weekend. I’ve got a short story to write, which I’m planning to post on Monday. (And by then, it will only be eleven days late!) And then the test on Tuesday. Work in the kitchen continues, and we’ve officially got three months until Baby Girl’s due date.

Things are happening, y’all. It feels like barely controlled chaos in my house (in my life, I think) right now, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.  

24 Weeks (Or, What a Difference One Year Makes)

/ Katie / 24 Comments

As of last Friday, I am 24 weeks pregnant. It’s a tricky topic, but 24 weeks is generally considered viability.

A milestone.

On August 18th last year, I had surgery for a missed miscarriage that didn’t resolve completely until November 30th. Those months were one long, waking nightmare that I would not wish on my worst enemy. To say I am grateful to be here, right now, is such an understatement, but it’s all I got. I’m happy and sad. I’m anxious and hopeful. I feel powerful, and humbled. I’ve just been dealing with lots of feelings these last several days, and I’m trying to let them wash over me while I focus on looking forward, and on feeling Baby Girl kick around inside my belly.

None of us are ever defined by the worst thing that’s happened to us. My life is full of joy and light, and soon, I’ll be able to share that with a small human I already love so much.

What a difference a year makes.

21 Weeks (Or, Oh I’m Definitely Pregnant. Very Pregnant.)

/ Katie / 39 Comments

Baby Girl was not particularly feeling like having her picture taken, but we had our anatomy scan this week, and she’s in there, growing and bouncing around.

I’m 21 weeks pregnant today, and we’re officially over halfway there. I have a hunch she’ll come early. We’ll see. At least we already have a couple of names picked out, so we’re a little more ready for her when she gets here. (Side note: I was born six weeks early. My parents did not have a name picked out. I was nameless for a few days. I have made it my goal to avoid that situation. So far, so good.)

At any rate, after a fall this weekend – scary, but all appears to be fine – and then the anatomy scan on Tuesday, I’m just feeling very, very…pregnant. I don’t know how else to describe it. My belly has grown, my balance is off, I’m hungry all the time, I have to pee every half hour or so. I’m also happy, and hopeful, and anxious, and so ready to meet this little girl. For someone who didn’t want children and couldn’t fathom the idea of being somebody’s mom until I was about 35, I sure am eager to get started. Although, I guess I already have, haven’t I?

On my list for next week: Create a registry, start on a nursery, and plan (with the help of very dear friends) a baby shower/party/something. I don’t really want a traditional baby shower. I want all of the people we love to get together and play music and eat food and laugh and help us to celebrate our soon-to-be (already-there?) daughter. Presents optional. Presence appreciated. Is that weird? I don’t think that’s weird. And we’ve bought both a smoker and a wood-fired pizza oven in the last few weeks, so we’ll be able to make plenty of tasty treats for everyone. Fun, right?

The truth is, I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m just trying to do it well, whatever it is. And I suspect, very much, that this is parenthood.

So, onward. I wish I could speed up time. I wish I could slow it down and savor these last days as just Graham and me. I wish I could sleep though the night without getting hot and having to run to the bathroom six times. But more than anything, I wish for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. I know that even though it feels like a long way off, she’ll be here before we know it.  

Wait, What? (Or, Useless, Untrue, and Silly Things People Say About Pregnancy)

/ Katie / 26 Comments

I saw a friend at one of my favorite places over the weekend. I hadn’t been too keen on going out, but I’m glad I did, because I hadn’t seen her in a couple of years, or her husband, and it was nice to catch up with them. And, as it turns out, their beautiful baby girl.

She and I chatted for a minute, and she gave me her best advice for getting through pregnancy without going crazy: DON’T READ.

She also told me not to be a hero when it comes to pain management during labor, and to look into physical therapy to help with birth. But it was the “Don’t Read” that stood out to me, because she is so very, very, very correct. If pregnant women believed everything we read online – on community boards, in advice articles, and, unsurprisingly, on social media, we’d only ever lay in bed and eat steamed broccoli with no seasoning and drink triple-distilled, filtered water with no ice. It’s a scary internet out there, y’all.

So today, I thought I’d share some of the most interesting, untrue, utterly useless, silly things I’ve either read or been told so far during my pregnancy. Note that I’ve done my best to fact-check these, but I’m not a doctor. If you’re pregnant and you’re worried or have questions, the best person to talk to is your doctor or midwife. Seriously. Just call your doctor. Dr. Google doesn’t count.

No pineapple for you!

Did you know that pregnant women aren’t supposed to eat pineapple because it can trigger labor? Neither did I. Because it’s a myth. Every actual piece of evidence I’ve encountered indicates that pineapple is safe to eat during pregnancy and is a healthy choice. I like it with cottage cheese in the morning, which I promise is much tastier than it sounds.

You’re not supposed to tell anyone until you’re 20 weeks.

Says who? This is such a personal choice, and there is no right or wrong time. If you choose to wait until after your 20-week anatomy scan, cool! If you’re excited and happy and just bursting to share your wonderful news at 5 weeks, go for it! Telling or not telling won’t change the outcome of your pregnancy. You won’t jinx anything by sharing your joy. If you want people to know, just tell them. It might help, during those tough weeks of the first trimester, to have a shoulder (or many) to cry on and friends who can make you laugh as you fight through the fatigue and nausea.

A fast fetal heart rate means a baby girl.

There is evidence that baby girls have a higher heart rate during birth, but that’s it. That early fetal heart rate doesn’t indicate gender, at all. Not even a little. Neither does carrying high or low, which is more dictated by your body shape and the muscle tone in your abdomen.

Don’t raise your arms over your head!

I don’t even know where to start with this one.

EVERY FOOD IS UNSAFE! DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!

This is one of the best places to listen to your doctor, and not the internet, not some random coworker, not your friend who heard this from her Great Aunt Whatever. Not even me, as I sit here writing this, because again, I’m not an expert. Here’s what I do know: Listeria and toxoplasmosis ARE dangerous, so check for outbreaks and recalls and listen to your doctor when he/she tells you what foods to avoid.

Sorry you’ll have to give up your coffee.

No, I won’t. And I haven’t. My midwives tell me that up to 200 mg of caffeine per day is safe. I’m continuing to have my morning cuppa, thank you. And you should really be thanking me, because I’m doing you a favor. You wouldn’t like me before my morning coffee.

Rehome your cat!

Nope, no way. I’m not changing the litter box, but I’ve learned that you can safely cuddle with your kitty totally worry-free. Just wash your hands after. Merlin is MINE. His home is with me. And I think he’ll really love Baby Girl when she gets here.

A tiny bit of alcohol won’t hurt!

I debated including this one, because different doctors give different advice here, and different women make different choices. But we don’t know the safe amount of alcohol for pregnant people to consume. There have been studies with some interesting results, but for me, I’d rather not take my chances. And honestly, shocking as it is because craft cider and beer are a major part of my social life, I don’t miss it. But, if you’re pregnant and really just want a glass of wine with dinner, talk to your doctor. Seeing a theme here? TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR.

Anterior placentas are bad.

My placenta is about half and half, anterior (front of uterus) and posterior (back of uterus). No medical provider has ever told me to worry about an anterior placenta, and from what I can find, it isn’t unsafe, is usually not a cause for any concern, and I can’t find consistent evidence that it actually impacts when you’ll feel the baby move. Some people say it does, and some say it doesn’t. I’m pretty sure I’ve felt little flutters, and I’m 18 weeks today.

Time to eat for two!

Nope, not quite. You only need about 300 extra calories per day. For reference, that’s about 1 apple and 2 tablespoons of peanut butter. Your doctor will have more advice for you on how much weight you should gain, but definitely don’t eat enough calories for two fully-grown adult humans. I’ve been eating an extra snack every day (I love apples and cheese sticks, yogurt and honey, or some peanut butter on rice cakes), and it’s been keeping me full and satisfied. But again, talk to your doctor. (Or midwife. Just, you know, the medical professional you are seeing.)

I’ve also gotten so much good advice, which I’m happy to share if you’d like to read it! (Let me know.) And I feel very loved and supported right now. But myths about pregnancy abound, and even well-meaning, kind, loving people can share information that makes you anxious, scares you, or is incorrect. If it helps, I read Expecting Better by Emily Oster before I got pregnant, and found it to be full of good, well-researched information that made me feel much better and more comfortable with what nine months carrying a small human would look like.

Pregnancy is such a journey, and it is so personal. I hope that if you’re pregnant now, or if you’re planning to get pregnant soon, your journey is smooth and full of the kind of love and support that we all deserve. And watch out for the myths that rob you of your joy and unnecessarily limit how you live your life. They’re out there, certainly, but knowledge is power.  You got this, mama. And I do, too.

Happy News!

/ Katie / 59 Comments

I said on Friday that I’d focus on happier content this week. Hopefully this delivers. 😊 I’ve gone back and forth about whether now is the right time to share, but when I started posting on this blog again back in 2020, I promised to be honest with my readers and unafraid to put myself out there.

See, I’ve been keeping a secret. It’s a pretty big one. Or, a very small one, depending on how you look at it.

Baby Girl Campbell. Due December 8, 2023.

Graham and I are elated, and so excited, and so grateful for the outpouring of love we’ve already received from so many people. At the beginning of this year – after a miscarriage that took months to resolve, scary health news in the family, and the loss of our beloved Gatsby-cat – I declared that 2023 would be the year of joy and abundance, and I can’t think of a more joyful thing than welcoming this little girl home. She will be the best early Christmas present ever.

It’s been an interesting time, though, for the last few months.

The Good:

I mean, is there anything sweeter than hearing a little baby’s heartbeat for the first time? Or seeing your tiny daughter squirm around on an ultrasound? It was fascinating seeing her but not feeling her yet. I’m excited for the moment I finally will. And I’m so impressed by and grateful for my body and its ability to do this. It took a little while for everything to feel real, and I’m still so anxious that something might go wrong. But I’m just trying to stay positive and think happy thoughts about the future. I had no idea you could love someone so much before you’ve even met them.

The Not-So-Good:

I’m learning lots of new things, really, such as the maximum distance one can stumble to a trash can before…well, we’ll just leave it there, how to fumble to the toilet six times per night in the dark without waking one’s partner, and how quickly Doordash can deliver a dozen iced donuts with rainbow sprinkles on an average Sunday. And while the vast majority of our prenatal testing has come back looking totally normal and very good, I did test positive as a carrier for one rare, recessive genetic condition. I was shocked, as there isn’t any history in my family. I didn’t know that most everyone is a carrier of at least one genetic condition. What a terrible time to learn, right? But Graham would have to be a carrier, as well, for Baby Girl to be at risk. His test results aren’t back yet, and we’ve learned that the chance of his being a carrier of the same condition is very, very low. And though the prognosis for this condition even two years ago would have been dire, new treatments are available today that are, frankly, miraculous. But it’s scary in the meantime. And I hate waiting.

The Big Picture:

I didn’t want to be a mom growing up. I didn’t want to be a mom even three years ago. I don’t know what changed, but something did, and now here we are. Being pregnant is strange and fascinating. It’s humbling and empowering all at the same time. I can’t wait to meet our daughter. I can’t wait to get to know her. I haven’t loved everything about pregnancy so far. I haven’t loved a lot of it, to be honest. But I do already love this little girl.

So, onward. I’ll be at fifteen weeks on Friday. I don’t know whether I want time to speed up or slow down, but I do know that come December, life will look very different indeed. I know you can never really be ready, but I’m ready. So I say, bring it on!