My people got a playpen
and they say it’s not for me!
But then why even get one?
Everything’s mine, you see.
(Including the weird hairless cat
they brought home in the fall.)
It’s almost like they just forgot
that Merlin owns it all.

My people got a playpen
and they say it’s not for me!
But then why even get one?
Everything’s mine, you see.
(Including the weird hairless cat
they brought home in the fall.)
It’s almost like they just forgot
that Merlin owns it all.

I find that
I’m a student
once again –
no teacher now
but life,
little sleep,
and lots of advice
(some helpful and some…
…not).
I’m learning
to embrace
this busy, beautiful chaos.
Every day is
something different –
sometimes scary,
and always beautiful.
You are my whole world,
my brave baby girl.

There’s something about
writing a poem
that feels a lot like
coming home.
How lucky I am
to spin words
into roads
that lead there,
where I most want to go.

Cloudy sky spitting snow,
and 364 to go.
One year gone and lessons learned
as another comes to take its turn –
new and old meet at the door
and cross the threshold.
For us
(the three of us):
Hope and joy,
love and light,
a bright dawn after a lonely night
and so many happy memories already.
These are truly the new days.
May they last and linger
and spread out
endless and infinite.
I breathe it in,
this feeling –
light as air and
heavy as hope –
and exhale.
I wish I could share it,
box it up
and tie it with a bow,
so you could know, too.
Or maybe you do,
down in your soul,
deep in the roots
of what makes you, you –
what makes us human –
the tug and pull
and steady, sturdy seed
that keeps us whole.
I’m thankful.
Thankful.
Thankful.
*A quick note! Graham has Friday off, so I’ll be taking a break, as well. I’ll be back on Monday, unless Baby Girl decides to make an early appearance. In the meantime, for all who celebrate, I wish you a wonderful, warm Thanksgiving! I hope it’s full of love and tasty food, and that you come away with a smile and a full belly.*
I wrote this poem in February of 2022, and I’ve been thinking about it a lot over the last couple of weeks. Here it is, so you can read it easily without leaving this point:
Going Gray
When my child asks
why my hair is going gray,
I will say:
“Those are my stardust streaks.”
I will tell her we’re all made
of earth and star stuff,
and one day, once again,
that’s what we’ll be.
And I’ll remind her
that it’s not a tragedy
to say goodbye, even though
it’s sad for a time,
because she can always
find me in the night sky.
At the time when I wrote it, we’d been talking about maybe trying for a baby, but hadn’t made a decision yet. We would, just about a week later. And what a journey we’ve had since then. One day, I’ll write about it, from start to finish, with all of its many ups and downs.
Today, as I’m sitting here, I’m just grateful. When I wrote “Going Gray,” I didn’t know for sure if I’d ever have children. I didn’t know for sure that I wanted a child, though I think I was about 80% there. Now, I can’t imagine making any other decision. I’m so excited for our Baby Girl. I’m so ready for her. I’m so elated to have a daughter on the way, and to know that we’re almost there. December 8th – her due date – is less than a month away.
And it’s incredible to think that one day, she’ll grow up, she’ll have her own feelings about motherhood, and about aging. And one day, hopefully a long time from now, we will have to say goodbye to each other. She’ll live a whole life, and for all of it, even when I’m gone, I’ll be her mother.
I hope I’m a good one.
And I hope that one day, she’ll read this poem, and know that I was thinking about her, even before I knew it myself.
*A quick note: Yes, this is Part 1. I anticipate posting this story in three parts, and it will have to do for the rest of the year’s short story challenge. It’s going to be a good one, at least. 😊 I’ll write more about why I’ve decided to post it this way next week, but for now, enjoy! And thank you for reading!*
Tragedy runs in my family. Or, I should say, my family runs Tragedy. We used to, anyway. Falls from grace, catastrophic accidents, self-fulfilling prophecies of doom and ruin – those run in my family, too. But I don’t think any of us anticipated this particular calamity.
I suppose, that’s the thing about murder.
It happened like this. The sun rose silent and peaceful over Tragedy, and, though no one knew it yet, over the corpse of the late Cassius Fugate, just recently deceased. In the warm orange light of a new day, with the dawn casting a rosy shadow on his sunken cheeks, it might have been easy to believe that he was sleeping, quiet and still, his head propped delicately on a mossy gray stone just inside the village green. But from this sleep, Cassius would never wake.
Or perhaps it happened like this. Cassius Fugate spent the last days of his life investigating the inner working of the Holder family, who’d long controlled the goings-on and the unpredictable financial fortunes of Tragedy, and who, in the last several months, had lost their beloved matriarch, Lorelai Robinette Holder. Exactly what Cassius thought he’d find, no one was quite sure. But Small Town America surely does love a villainous family, and Cassius had just taken over Tragedy’s local newspaper from his grandfather, a man who’d long since washed his hands of any real reporting and seemed to enjoy the more social aspects of journalism. Unlike the dogged and dauntless Cassius, Lucius was a man of fine tastes and pretty words.
The village’s adjustment to this abrupt and uncivil change of style was not exactly pleasant, and Cassius dealt with lots of accusations of “stirring the pot” and of “raking up mud” in the last days of his life. Just like me, he’d grown up in Tragedy, but the town seemed pretty ready to disown him, by the end. People can be vicious.
On his last day, Cassius caught up to me walking home from the coffee shop.
“The littlest Holder,” he called me.
“Hi, Cassius,” I answered. “You know we’re the same age. We graduated together.”
“I’m aware,” he said. “What’s got you out and about today?”
“Same thing as you,” I said. “Work, life, the inevitable need for caffeine and sustenance.”
“Ah,” he said, as if I’d given him an opening. “So it’s not the reading of your grandmother’s will?”
“That was yesterday.”
“And how did it go?”
“Well, Cassius,” I deadpanned, “about as you’d expect. Tears, dirges, a few outbursts from Uncle Sean. We’re broke, you know. I know you know.”
“Are you? I didn’t know,” he said.
Neither of us believed him.
“What are you after, Cassius?”
“Just a fine conversation with a pretty lady,” he said.
“Sure,” I answered. “Then you should probably move on.” Already, his face started to turn a delightful shade of bright pink. “What was it you used to call me? Ah, yes, I remember: ‘Moon-face Millie.’ And a few others, I think?”
Cassius was silent.
“I don’t know what you’re trying to do here, Cassius. I got nothing for you.”
He sputtered out an apology and then added, “That was a long time ago, Millie. I’ve grown as a person since then.”
“Lucky for you,” I said, “so have I.”
And I left him there, on the corner of Schoolhouse Lane and River Road. It was the last I’d ever see of him alive, and the last public interaction he appears to have had.
I wouldn’t change a thing.
My family might.
To be continued…
I’m just here
in the corner –
I watch,
I see,
but no one sees me.
They pace the floor,
drink their tea
and count the hours.
The world turns and
I am still,
more solid somehow
than before.
It is an enviable position,
to be invisible.
They say it’s the fate
of all women:
to disappear.
