Personal Essays

24 Weeks (Or, What a Difference One Year Makes)

/ Katie / 24 Comments

As of last Friday, I am 24 weeks pregnant. It’s a tricky topic, but 24 weeks is generally considered viability.

A milestone.

On August 18th last year, I had surgery for a missed miscarriage that didn’t resolve completely until November 30th. Those months were one long, waking nightmare that I would not wish on my worst enemy. To say I am grateful to be here, right now, is such an understatement, but it’s all I got. I’m happy and sad. I’m anxious and hopeful. I feel powerful, and humbled. I’ve just been dealing with lots of feelings these last several days, and I’m trying to let them wash over me while I focus on looking forward, and on feeling Baby Girl kick around inside my belly.

None of us are ever defined by the worst thing that’s happened to us. My life is full of joy and light, and soon, I’ll be able to share that with a small human I already love so much.

What a difference a year makes.

Happy Birthday to Me! (Also, 37 Things That Make Me Happy.)

/ Katie / 51 Comments

It’s my birthday!

I’m 37 today, and grateful for every moment of this life. I feel like I was 16 two seconds ago. Isn’t that strange? And while I’m older, I don’t know that I’m necessarily all that wise. I do think I’m wiser than years past, though, and this year, I think the most important thing I’ve learned – which I already knew, but man, has it been a lesson learned and relearned this year – is that you can choose to be happy.

My mom always told me that happiness is a state of mind, but I don’t think I ever really understood it until this last year, when I’ve had to choose to keep going, to smile, to find the good things, over and over. And choosing to be happy this year doesn’t mean I haven’t been sad, because I certainly have. But there’s so much in my life to be thankful for, so much that makes me happy, and I know, even in the darkest moments, that in my life, there is light.

All of that to say, in honor of my birthday this year, here are 37 things that make me happy.

  1. Annie and Merlin. I love those crazy animals, and they make my life brighter just by existing and sneezing on me.
  2. Graham. Of course Graham. All these years we’ve been together, and he is still my guiding star.
  3. My family and friends. And now we’ve covered the big three. But seriously, I’m surrounded by kind, loving, creative, wonderful people. They inspire me every day.
  4. The dewy green smell of fresh cut grass in summer.
  5. Fresh brownies right out of the oven with a cold glass of milk.
  6. Cake. Any kind of cake.
  7. Going on adventures. Big adventures and small adventures. I just like exploring.
  8. Learning something new.  
  9. Picking out a new book to read.
  10. That bittersweet feeling when I’ve just finished a really good book.
  11. Candy. I love candy the way a kid loves candy. I could, in fact, eat it for dinner. But my 37-year-old body disagrees.
  12. Doing something that scares me. I’m not good at this, but I do always feel proud of myself when I’ve been really afraid to do something and then I’ve done it anyway.
  13. Old trees.
  14. Pretty flowers.
  15. A rainy Saturday with a cup of tea.
  16. A sunny Saturday on the patio with friends.
  17. Playing music with people who love to share their music with me.
  18. Playing trivia. Even when my team loses.
  19. Mayonnaise. On fries. With some hot sauce mixed in.
  20. Apparently, just food. Lots of food on this list. But not ketchup. Ketchup is trash.
  21. Getting up early enough to watch the sunrise.
  22. Sleeping in with Graham and the animals on a Sunday morning.
  23. That musty, familiar smell that somehow exists in every antique shop ever.
  24. Christmas decorations. I put them up earlier and earlier every year. We’ll see what happens this year, though, with Baby Girl due right around early December.
  25. People who laugh at stupid jokes. No need to be serious all the time, right?
  26. Howl’s Moving Castle. The book and the movie. They both just make me smile, every time.
  27. Clean laundry. Especially if someone else puts it away for me.
  28. That moment when I’m writing and I know the story’s done. You know that moment? That’s such a cool moment.
  29. The Blue Ridge Mountains. My home. No matter where I go in this world.
  30. Really good craft hard cider, especially if it’s made with heritage Virginia apples. If you’ve never had cider made with Virginia Hewes crab apples, you’re missing out.
  31. Driving down country roads in the fall. No better way to see those beautiful autumn leaves.
  32. Wood fires.
  33. Looking up at the stars in winter.
  34. And while I’m thinking about winter, snow.
  35. Our pokey, cozy old house in this wonderful little village. I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else.
  36. Collecting weird knick-knacks. Bonus points if I have no idea what they’re meant to do.
  37. Just being alive. I know it sounds cliché, but I’m here. Right now. I wake up every day and I can make things and do things and meet people. It’s amazing!

I hope that 37 is good to me. I hope that this year is full of laughs and fun and good memories. I know I can’t control everything that happens, but I can control how I choose to live. And I choose to live happy.

*A quick note – I won’t be posting on Monday. Taking a small break for my birthday weekend. 🙂 But I’ll be back on Wednesday, August 16th, hopefully with an exciting kitchen update!*

Time to Write

/ Katie / 23 Comments

Things have calmed down around here after some unexpected stress in the middle of the week, so I feel like I finally have some time to sit down and really write. That’s how I’ll be spending my weekend. So, expect July’s short story on Monday – a little late, but life happens.

And in the meantime, here’s a sneak peek at our butcher block countertops!

Work on the kitchen starts next week. It’ll be a whole different kind of chaos from this week, and I can’t lie, I’m looking forward to it.

Onward, and happy creating, y’all!

So…where’s the July short story?

/ Katie / 9 Comments

Alas, here we are at the end of another month, and while I’ve got a pretty good start, I just don’t have a good enough finished short story to post today. Why? Well…

Our refrigerator broke over the weekend, and suddenly, I had this brilliant (read: crazy) idea that here was our opportunity to replace ALL of our appliances with the retro-style, bright white stuff we’ve been ogling for years. The problem? Money. (Usually money when it comes to renovations, right?) Luckily, I think we found a good option, but it’s been stressing us both out, me and Graham, since Saturday. I expect we’ll get everything ordered by tonight though. And I promise to post pictures when things arrive.

Also, I started working on our baby registry over the weekend. I am. So. Lost. I’ve got a checklist I’m working from, and I’ve gotten advice from lots of very wise people who’ve done this before, but I just feel so intimidated by everything we need to get, and by how many choices we have. It’s just…a lot. It’s a lot. It’s worth it, and for a few minutes, it was even a little bit fun. And I know I’ll be relieved when it’s done and shared, because people have been asking, and it’s so nice and very appreciated that they’re thinking of us, and I feel like I’m behind. One thing at a time, right?

And now that we’re past 20 weeks, though I don’t think I’ve ever been so grateful and happy in my life, I’m also anxious in a whole new way. Like, we’re over halfway there. She’s going to be here in no time. And if something goes wrong (God, I hope nothing goes wrong), it’s going to shatter me. I’m not thinking fatalistically. I’m actually very excited and feeling like everything will be fine, but anxiety isn’t rational, and those fears just creep in without warning. Often at the worst times. Like today. When I’m trying to finish this short story.

Anyway, if you’ve been reading this long, I suppose I just really wanted to give an update and share that July’s short story will be a little late. I want it to be good, not just to exist, and to do that, with how scattered my brain clearly is, I just need more time. Expect it on Wednesday, which means two short stories in August!

I’ll end (it’s past time…this has gotten pretty wordy, hasn’t it?), I’ll just say that I’m so grateful that these are my problems. They are good problems, and I know that. I am privileged to have this kind of stress in my life. This is just a moment, and it will pass. So, onward. The future is bright and happy and filled with very cool new appliances and a beautiful baby girl, and it’s so close.  

21 Weeks (Or, Oh I’m Definitely Pregnant. Very Pregnant.)

/ Katie / 39 Comments

Baby Girl was not particularly feeling like having her picture taken, but we had our anatomy scan this week, and she’s in there, growing and bouncing around.

I’m 21 weeks pregnant today, and we’re officially over halfway there. I have a hunch she’ll come early. We’ll see. At least we already have a couple of names picked out, so we’re a little more ready for her when she gets here. (Side note: I was born six weeks early. My parents did not have a name picked out. I was nameless for a few days. I have made it my goal to avoid that situation. So far, so good.)

At any rate, after a fall this weekend – scary, but all appears to be fine – and then the anatomy scan on Tuesday, I’m just feeling very, very…pregnant. I don’t know how else to describe it. My belly has grown, my balance is off, I’m hungry all the time, I have to pee every half hour or so. I’m also happy, and hopeful, and anxious, and so ready to meet this little girl. For someone who didn’t want children and couldn’t fathom the idea of being somebody’s mom until I was about 35, I sure am eager to get started. Although, I guess I already have, haven’t I?

On my list for next week: Create a registry, start on a nursery, and plan (with the help of very dear friends) a baby shower/party/something. I don’t really want a traditional baby shower. I want all of the people we love to get together and play music and eat food and laugh and help us to celebrate our soon-to-be (already-there?) daughter. Presents optional. Presence appreciated. Is that weird? I don’t think that’s weird. And we’ve bought both a smoker and a wood-fired pizza oven in the last few weeks, so we’ll be able to make plenty of tasty treats for everyone. Fun, right?

The truth is, I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m just trying to do it well, whatever it is. And I suspect, very much, that this is parenthood.

So, onward. I wish I could speed up time. I wish I could slow it down and savor these last days as just Graham and me. I wish I could sleep though the night without getting hot and having to run to the bathroom six times. But more than anything, I wish for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. I know that even though it feels like a long way off, she’ll be here before we know it.  

Summer Break!

/ Katie / 28 Comments

I’ll be taking a blogging break next week, from July 17th through July 21st. I’m still planning to read all of your wonderful posts. I just won’t be writing any of my own. Why?

I’m going to the beach!

Okay, I know this is something I do fairly often. It’s the advantage of marrying a beach kid. 😉 But this year feels a little different, a little special, because it’s the last time Graham and I will be heading down to the ocean as just the two of us. This time next year, we’ll have our little girl, and we’ll be three. So exciting, and I can’t wait to see her reaction to the waves and the texture of the sand.

But, for now, I really want to unplug as much as possible and just enjoy this time with Graham, before things change. It’s a good change, but a change nonetheless. I’m so happy and grateful, but also soaking in these last few months before we’re parents.

So, happy creating in these next several days! And I promise lots of fun stuff when I come back, including July’s short story. I haven’t started it yet, but I plan to make it a good one!

Wait, What? (Or, Useless, Untrue, and Silly Things People Say About Pregnancy)

/ Katie / 26 Comments

I saw a friend at one of my favorite places over the weekend. I hadn’t been too keen on going out, but I’m glad I did, because I hadn’t seen her in a couple of years, or her husband, and it was nice to catch up with them. And, as it turns out, their beautiful baby girl.

She and I chatted for a minute, and she gave me her best advice for getting through pregnancy without going crazy: DON’T READ.

She also told me not to be a hero when it comes to pain management during labor, and to look into physical therapy to help with birth. But it was the “Don’t Read” that stood out to me, because she is so very, very, very correct. If pregnant women believed everything we read online – on community boards, in advice articles, and, unsurprisingly, on social media, we’d only ever lay in bed and eat steamed broccoli with no seasoning and drink triple-distilled, filtered water with no ice. It’s a scary internet out there, y’all.

So today, I thought I’d share some of the most interesting, untrue, utterly useless, silly things I’ve either read or been told so far during my pregnancy. Note that I’ve done my best to fact-check these, but I’m not a doctor. If you’re pregnant and you’re worried or have questions, the best person to talk to is your doctor or midwife. Seriously. Just call your doctor. Dr. Google doesn’t count.

No pineapple for you!

Did you know that pregnant women aren’t supposed to eat pineapple because it can trigger labor? Neither did I. Because it’s a myth. Every actual piece of evidence I’ve encountered indicates that pineapple is safe to eat during pregnancy and is a healthy choice. I like it with cottage cheese in the morning, which I promise is much tastier than it sounds.

You’re not supposed to tell anyone until you’re 20 weeks.

Says who? This is such a personal choice, and there is no right or wrong time. If you choose to wait until after your 20-week anatomy scan, cool! If you’re excited and happy and just bursting to share your wonderful news at 5 weeks, go for it! Telling or not telling won’t change the outcome of your pregnancy. You won’t jinx anything by sharing your joy. If you want people to know, just tell them. It might help, during those tough weeks of the first trimester, to have a shoulder (or many) to cry on and friends who can make you laugh as you fight through the fatigue and nausea.

A fast fetal heart rate means a baby girl.

There is evidence that baby girls have a higher heart rate during birth, but that’s it. That early fetal heart rate doesn’t indicate gender, at all. Not even a little. Neither does carrying high or low, which is more dictated by your body shape and the muscle tone in your abdomen.

Don’t raise your arms over your head!

I don’t even know where to start with this one.

EVERY FOOD IS UNSAFE! DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!

This is one of the best places to listen to your doctor, and not the internet, not some random coworker, not your friend who heard this from her Great Aunt Whatever. Not even me, as I sit here writing this, because again, I’m not an expert. Here’s what I do know: Listeria and toxoplasmosis ARE dangerous, so check for outbreaks and recalls and listen to your doctor when he/she tells you what foods to avoid.

Sorry you’ll have to give up your coffee.

No, I won’t. And I haven’t. My midwives tell me that up to 200 mg of caffeine per day is safe. I’m continuing to have my morning cuppa, thank you. And you should really be thanking me, because I’m doing you a favor. You wouldn’t like me before my morning coffee.

Rehome your cat!

Nope, no way. I’m not changing the litter box, but I’ve learned that you can safely cuddle with your kitty totally worry-free. Just wash your hands after. Merlin is MINE. His home is with me. And I think he’ll really love Baby Girl when she gets here.

A tiny bit of alcohol won’t hurt!

I debated including this one, because different doctors give different advice here, and different women make different choices. But we don’t know the safe amount of alcohol for pregnant people to consume. There have been studies with some interesting results, but for me, I’d rather not take my chances. And honestly, shocking as it is because craft cider and beer are a major part of my social life, I don’t miss it. But, if you’re pregnant and really just want a glass of wine with dinner, talk to your doctor. Seeing a theme here? TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR.

Anterior placentas are bad.

My placenta is about half and half, anterior (front of uterus) and posterior (back of uterus). No medical provider has ever told me to worry about an anterior placenta, and from what I can find, it isn’t unsafe, is usually not a cause for any concern, and I can’t find consistent evidence that it actually impacts when you’ll feel the baby move. Some people say it does, and some say it doesn’t. I’m pretty sure I’ve felt little flutters, and I’m 18 weeks today.

Time to eat for two!

Nope, not quite. You only need about 300 extra calories per day. For reference, that’s about 1 apple and 2 tablespoons of peanut butter. Your doctor will have more advice for you on how much weight you should gain, but definitely don’t eat enough calories for two fully-grown adult humans. I’ve been eating an extra snack every day (I love apples and cheese sticks, yogurt and honey, or some peanut butter on rice cakes), and it’s been keeping me full and satisfied. But again, talk to your doctor. (Or midwife. Just, you know, the medical professional you are seeing.)

I’ve also gotten so much good advice, which I’m happy to share if you’d like to read it! (Let me know.) And I feel very loved and supported right now. But myths about pregnancy abound, and even well-meaning, kind, loving people can share information that makes you anxious, scares you, or is incorrect. If it helps, I read Expecting Better by Emily Oster before I got pregnant, and found it to be full of good, well-researched information that made me feel much better and more comfortable with what nine months carrying a small human would look like.

Pregnancy is such a journey, and it is so personal. I hope that if you’re pregnant now, or if you’re planning to get pregnant soon, your journey is smooth and full of the kind of love and support that we all deserve. And watch out for the myths that rob you of your joy and unnecessarily limit how you live your life. They’re out there, certainly, but knowledge is power.  You got this, mama. And I do, too.

Frustrating and Lucky

/ Katie / 3 Comments

I’ve had a lot of trouble focusing on my creative writing lately. With everything else going on, it’s just been really difficult to get my mind in that creative, imaginative space. I’m not happy about it, but I know that all things in life ebb and flow. Luckily, even though I’m struggling, I have talented friends who inspire me every day to keep trying. Case in point:

Thomas Creeper and the Purple Corpse, by J.R. Potter.

I posted about the first book in this series when it came out a couple of years ago, and just like that one, I can’t recommend this one enough. Creepy, spooky, a good mystery, an unlikely, likable hero, a vivid setting, great illustrations done by the author – just so much fun. And reading it comes with the added advantage of supporting a friend in his own creative work.

It can be easy to feel down when the words just won’t come, and easy as well to be envious when someone succeeds where you are (presently, not forever) lagging behind. But I don’t feel either of those ways. All I feel is lucky. I’m lucky to have time to write (even though I’m not great at it right now), lucky to be able to make my old house a home (even though the process is long and sometimes stressful), lucky (so, so lucky) to be pregnant, and lucky to be surrounded by cool, fun, kind, creative people.

Tomorrow is a new day, and then there’s another new day after that, and so on. For now, I’ll read (and if you’re looking for something to read this week, definitely go for Thomas Creeper!), think about backsplash tile, and try to write words that fit together. Life is good, even when it’s frustrating.

Happy creating to y’all, whatever you’re working on this week, and onward!

A Little Bit of Everything: Q&A, Merlin Mayhem, Music, and More

/ Katie / 11 Comments

Happy Friday! It probably goes without saying that these last several weeks have been pretty busy around here, with house things and pregnancy things. My pregnancy symptoms, at least and at last, have started to subside, and I finally feel a little more like my usual self. So, how about a post to catch up with each other today? A little bit of everything going on around here, and also a check in with all of you.

So, first: How are you doing? How’s life? What are you creating? What are you excited about? Anything making you anxious? (Everything’s making me anxious right now.)

Moving on, I’m getting pretty close to 1,000 followers – which, thank you, all of you, for reading and commenting! – and thought it would be fun to do another Q&A. I did a couple when I hit 500, and I think it’s safe to say, a lot’s changed since then. So, if you’ve got questions for me, drop a comment below!

What’s next? Oh yes. Merlin. He’s still growing and he’s a new cat every day, but the one constant, which is so very wonderful, is that he loves – and I mean absolutely adores – his Annie-dog. I’ve never had a cat so enamored of a dog. She is his best friend. I don’t think she feels the same, but I also don’t think he cares. He also firmly believes he’s one of the contractors, and loves to hang out with them (and “help”) while they’re working. Cats…

And lastly, I’m planning to post some more music soon! I’ve got lots of videos from Thanksgiving (yes, I know, that was all the way back in November…) that it’s just taken an eternity to get off of Graham’s camera and onto my computer. We had a little get together with family, and I love sharing my family music with y’all. So, expect to see those at some point in the not too very distant future.

Other than that? I expect things won’t slow down anytime soon. Lots of continuing work on the house, some fun writing ideas, a new baby on the horizon – it’s lovely chaos around here. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

And before I forget, one more thing! I’ll be taking the day off on Monday, since Graham doesn’t have to work. So, no post then. But I’ll be back on Wednesday. Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and a good start to the week!

Happy News!

/ Katie / 59 Comments

I said on Friday that I’d focus on happier content this week. Hopefully this delivers. 😊 I’ve gone back and forth about whether now is the right time to share, but when I started posting on this blog again back in 2020, I promised to be honest with my readers and unafraid to put myself out there.

See, I’ve been keeping a secret. It’s a pretty big one. Or, a very small one, depending on how you look at it.

Baby Girl Campbell. Due December 8, 2023.

Graham and I are elated, and so excited, and so grateful for the outpouring of love we’ve already received from so many people. At the beginning of this year – after a miscarriage that took months to resolve, scary health news in the family, and the loss of our beloved Gatsby-cat – I declared that 2023 would be the year of joy and abundance, and I can’t think of a more joyful thing than welcoming this little girl home. She will be the best early Christmas present ever.

It’s been an interesting time, though, for the last few months.

The Good:

I mean, is there anything sweeter than hearing a little baby’s heartbeat for the first time? Or seeing your tiny daughter squirm around on an ultrasound? It was fascinating seeing her but not feeling her yet. I’m excited for the moment I finally will. And I’m so impressed by and grateful for my body and its ability to do this. It took a little while for everything to feel real, and I’m still so anxious that something might go wrong. But I’m just trying to stay positive and think happy thoughts about the future. I had no idea you could love someone so much before you’ve even met them.

The Not-So-Good:

I’m learning lots of new things, really, such as the maximum distance one can stumble to a trash can before…well, we’ll just leave it there, how to fumble to the toilet six times per night in the dark without waking one’s partner, and how quickly Doordash can deliver a dozen iced donuts with rainbow sprinkles on an average Sunday. And while the vast majority of our prenatal testing has come back looking totally normal and very good, I did test positive as a carrier for one rare, recessive genetic condition. I was shocked, as there isn’t any history in my family. I didn’t know that most everyone is a carrier of at least one genetic condition. What a terrible time to learn, right? But Graham would have to be a carrier, as well, for Baby Girl to be at risk. His test results aren’t back yet, and we’ve learned that the chance of his being a carrier of the same condition is very, very low. And though the prognosis for this condition even two years ago would have been dire, new treatments are available today that are, frankly, miraculous. But it’s scary in the meantime. And I hate waiting.

The Big Picture:

I didn’t want to be a mom growing up. I didn’t want to be a mom even three years ago. I don’t know what changed, but something did, and now here we are. Being pregnant is strange and fascinating. It’s humbling and empowering all at the same time. I can’t wait to meet our daughter. I can’t wait to get to know her. I haven’t loved everything about pregnancy so far. I haven’t loved a lot of it, to be honest. But I do already love this little girl.

So, onward. I’ll be at fifteen weeks on Friday. I don’t know whether I want time to speed up or slow down, but I do know that come December, life will look very different indeed. I know you can never really be ready, but I’m ready. So I say, bring it on!