Personal Essays

Wait, What? (Or, Useless, Untrue, and Silly Things People Say About Pregnancy)

/ Katie / 26 Comments

I saw a friend at one of my favorite places over the weekend. I hadn’t been too keen on going out, but I’m glad I did, because I hadn’t seen her in a couple of years, or her husband, and it was nice to catch up with them. And, as it turns out, their beautiful baby girl.

She and I chatted for a minute, and she gave me her best advice for getting through pregnancy without going crazy: DON’T READ.

She also told me not to be a hero when it comes to pain management during labor, and to look into physical therapy to help with birth. But it was the “Don’t Read” that stood out to me, because she is so very, very, very correct. If pregnant women believed everything we read online – on community boards, in advice articles, and, unsurprisingly, on social media, we’d only ever lay in bed and eat steamed broccoli with no seasoning and drink triple-distilled, filtered water with no ice. It’s a scary internet out there, y’all.

So today, I thought I’d share some of the most interesting, untrue, utterly useless, silly things I’ve either read or been told so far during my pregnancy. Note that I’ve done my best to fact-check these, but I’m not a doctor. If you’re pregnant and you’re worried or have questions, the best person to talk to is your doctor or midwife. Seriously. Just call your doctor. Dr. Google doesn’t count.

No pineapple for you!

Did you know that pregnant women aren’t supposed to eat pineapple because it can trigger labor? Neither did I. Because it’s a myth. Every actual piece of evidence I’ve encountered indicates that pineapple is safe to eat during pregnancy and is a healthy choice. I like it with cottage cheese in the morning, which I promise is much tastier than it sounds.

You’re not supposed to tell anyone until you’re 20 weeks.

Says who? This is such a personal choice, and there is no right or wrong time. If you choose to wait until after your 20-week anatomy scan, cool! If you’re excited and happy and just bursting to share your wonderful news at 5 weeks, go for it! Telling or not telling won’t change the outcome of your pregnancy. You won’t jinx anything by sharing your joy. If you want people to know, just tell them. It might help, during those tough weeks of the first trimester, to have a shoulder (or many) to cry on and friends who can make you laugh as you fight through the fatigue and nausea.

A fast fetal heart rate means a baby girl.

There is evidence that baby girls have a higher heart rate during birth, but that’s it. That early fetal heart rate doesn’t indicate gender, at all. Not even a little. Neither does carrying high or low, which is more dictated by your body shape and the muscle tone in your abdomen.

Don’t raise your arms over your head!

I don’t even know where to start with this one.

EVERY FOOD IS UNSAFE! DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!

This is one of the best places to listen to your doctor, and not the internet, not some random coworker, not your friend who heard this from her Great Aunt Whatever. Not even me, as I sit here writing this, because again, I’m not an expert. Here’s what I do know: Listeria and toxoplasmosis ARE dangerous, so check for outbreaks and recalls and listen to your doctor when he/she tells you what foods to avoid.

Sorry you’ll have to give up your coffee.

No, I won’t. And I haven’t. My midwives tell me that up to 200 mg of caffeine per day is safe. I’m continuing to have my morning cuppa, thank you. And you should really be thanking me, because I’m doing you a favor. You wouldn’t like me before my morning coffee.

Rehome your cat!

Nope, no way. I’m not changing the litter box, but I’ve learned that you can safely cuddle with your kitty totally worry-free. Just wash your hands after. Merlin is MINE. His home is with me. And I think he’ll really love Baby Girl when she gets here.

A tiny bit of alcohol won’t hurt!

I debated including this one, because different doctors give different advice here, and different women make different choices. But we don’t know the safe amount of alcohol for pregnant people to consume. There have been studies with some interesting results, but for me, I’d rather not take my chances. And honestly, shocking as it is because craft cider and beer are a major part of my social life, I don’t miss it. But, if you’re pregnant and really just want a glass of wine with dinner, talk to your doctor. Seeing a theme here? TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR.

Anterior placentas are bad.

My placenta is about half and half, anterior (front of uterus) and posterior (back of uterus). No medical provider has ever told me to worry about an anterior placenta, and from what I can find, it isn’t unsafe, is usually not a cause for any concern, and I can’t find consistent evidence that it actually impacts when you’ll feel the baby move. Some people say it does, and some say it doesn’t. I’m pretty sure I’ve felt little flutters, and I’m 18 weeks today.

Time to eat for two!

Nope, not quite. You only need about 300 extra calories per day. For reference, that’s about 1 apple and 2 tablespoons of peanut butter. Your doctor will have more advice for you on how much weight you should gain, but definitely don’t eat enough calories for two fully-grown adult humans. I’ve been eating an extra snack every day (I love apples and cheese sticks, yogurt and honey, or some peanut butter on rice cakes), and it’s been keeping me full and satisfied. But again, talk to your doctor. (Or midwife. Just, you know, the medical professional you are seeing.)

I’ve also gotten so much good advice, which I’m happy to share if you’d like to read it! (Let me know.) And I feel very loved and supported right now. But myths about pregnancy abound, and even well-meaning, kind, loving people can share information that makes you anxious, scares you, or is incorrect. If it helps, I read Expecting Better by Emily Oster before I got pregnant, and found it to be full of good, well-researched information that made me feel much better and more comfortable with what nine months carrying a small human would look like.

Pregnancy is such a journey, and it is so personal. I hope that if you’re pregnant now, or if you’re planning to get pregnant soon, your journey is smooth and full of the kind of love and support that we all deserve. And watch out for the myths that rob you of your joy and unnecessarily limit how you live your life. They’re out there, certainly, but knowledge is power.  You got this, mama. And I do, too.

Frustrating and Lucky

/ Katie / 3 Comments

I’ve had a lot of trouble focusing on my creative writing lately. With everything else going on, it’s just been really difficult to get my mind in that creative, imaginative space. I’m not happy about it, but I know that all things in life ebb and flow. Luckily, even though I’m struggling, I have talented friends who inspire me every day to keep trying. Case in point:

Thomas Creeper and the Purple Corpse, by J.R. Potter.

I posted about the first book in this series when it came out a couple of years ago, and just like that one, I can’t recommend this one enough. Creepy, spooky, a good mystery, an unlikely, likable hero, a vivid setting, great illustrations done by the author – just so much fun. And reading it comes with the added advantage of supporting a friend in his own creative work.

It can be easy to feel down when the words just won’t come, and easy as well to be envious when someone succeeds where you are (presently, not forever) lagging behind. But I don’t feel either of those ways. All I feel is lucky. I’m lucky to have time to write (even though I’m not great at it right now), lucky to be able to make my old house a home (even though the process is long and sometimes stressful), lucky (so, so lucky) to be pregnant, and lucky to be surrounded by cool, fun, kind, creative people.

Tomorrow is a new day, and then there’s another new day after that, and so on. For now, I’ll read (and if you’re looking for something to read this week, definitely go for Thomas Creeper!), think about backsplash tile, and try to write words that fit together. Life is good, even when it’s frustrating.

Happy creating to y’all, whatever you’re working on this week, and onward!

A Little Bit of Everything: Q&A, Merlin Mayhem, Music, and More

/ Katie / 11 Comments

Happy Friday! It probably goes without saying that these last several weeks have been pretty busy around here, with house things and pregnancy things. My pregnancy symptoms, at least and at last, have started to subside, and I finally feel a little more like my usual self. So, how about a post to catch up with each other today? A little bit of everything going on around here, and also a check in with all of you.

So, first: How are you doing? How’s life? What are you creating? What are you excited about? Anything making you anxious? (Everything’s making me anxious right now.)

Moving on, I’m getting pretty close to 1,000 followers – which, thank you, all of you, for reading and commenting! – and thought it would be fun to do another Q&A. I did a couple when I hit 500, and I think it’s safe to say, a lot’s changed since then. So, if you’ve got questions for me, drop a comment below!

What’s next? Oh yes. Merlin. He’s still growing and he’s a new cat every day, but the one constant, which is so very wonderful, is that he loves – and I mean absolutely adores – his Annie-dog. I’ve never had a cat so enamored of a dog. She is his best friend. I don’t think she feels the same, but I also don’t think he cares. He also firmly believes he’s one of the contractors, and loves to hang out with them (and “help”) while they’re working. Cats…

And lastly, I’m planning to post some more music soon! I’ve got lots of videos from Thanksgiving (yes, I know, that was all the way back in November…) that it’s just taken an eternity to get off of Graham’s camera and onto my computer. We had a little get together with family, and I love sharing my family music with y’all. So, expect to see those at some point in the not too very distant future.

Other than that? I expect things won’t slow down anytime soon. Lots of continuing work on the house, some fun writing ideas, a new baby on the horizon – it’s lovely chaos around here. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

And before I forget, one more thing! I’ll be taking the day off on Monday, since Graham doesn’t have to work. So, no post then. But I’ll be back on Wednesday. Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and a good start to the week!

Happy News!

/ Katie / 59 Comments

I said on Friday that I’d focus on happier content this week. Hopefully this delivers. 😊 I’ve gone back and forth about whether now is the right time to share, but when I started posting on this blog again back in 2020, I promised to be honest with my readers and unafraid to put myself out there.

See, I’ve been keeping a secret. It’s a pretty big one. Or, a very small one, depending on how you look at it.

Baby Girl Campbell. Due December 8, 2023.

Graham and I are elated, and so excited, and so grateful for the outpouring of love we’ve already received from so many people. At the beginning of this year – after a miscarriage that took months to resolve, scary health news in the family, and the loss of our beloved Gatsby-cat – I declared that 2023 would be the year of joy and abundance, and I can’t think of a more joyful thing than welcoming this little girl home. She will be the best early Christmas present ever.

It’s been an interesting time, though, for the last few months.

The Good:

I mean, is there anything sweeter than hearing a little baby’s heartbeat for the first time? Or seeing your tiny daughter squirm around on an ultrasound? It was fascinating seeing her but not feeling her yet. I’m excited for the moment I finally will. And I’m so impressed by and grateful for my body and its ability to do this. It took a little while for everything to feel real, and I’m still so anxious that something might go wrong. But I’m just trying to stay positive and think happy thoughts about the future. I had no idea you could love someone so much before you’ve even met them.

The Not-So-Good:

I’m learning lots of new things, really, such as the maximum distance one can stumble to a trash can before…well, we’ll just leave it there, how to fumble to the toilet six times per night in the dark without waking one’s partner, and how quickly Doordash can deliver a dozen iced donuts with rainbow sprinkles on an average Sunday. And while the vast majority of our prenatal testing has come back looking totally normal and very good, I did test positive as a carrier for one rare, recessive genetic condition. I was shocked, as there isn’t any history in my family. I didn’t know that most everyone is a carrier of at least one genetic condition. What a terrible time to learn, right? But Graham would have to be a carrier, as well, for Baby Girl to be at risk. His test results aren’t back yet, and we’ve learned that the chance of his being a carrier of the same condition is very, very low. And though the prognosis for this condition even two years ago would have been dire, new treatments are available today that are, frankly, miraculous. But it’s scary in the meantime. And I hate waiting.

The Big Picture:

I didn’t want to be a mom growing up. I didn’t want to be a mom even three years ago. I don’t know what changed, but something did, and now here we are. Being pregnant is strange and fascinating. It’s humbling and empowering all at the same time. I can’t wait to meet our daughter. I can’t wait to get to know her. I haven’t loved everything about pregnancy so far. I haven’t loved a lot of it, to be honest. But I do already love this little girl.

So, onward. I’ll be at fifteen weeks on Friday. I don’t know whether I want time to speed up or slow down, but I do know that come December, life will look very different indeed. I know you can never really be ready, but I’m ready. So I say, bring it on!

Smoke on the Mountain

/ Katie / 32 Comments

How are all my followers on the U.S. east coast and in Canada doing? Because around here, it’s a haze of smoke.

I don’t know if you can really tell from this picture. It honestly almost looks like fog on the mountainside. Everything looks just a little soft around the edges. And it’s been like this for days.

I’m writing this on Thursday. My nose is killing me. My eyes are burning. I’ve got an air purifier running. I’m NOT going outside, and we’re limiting Annie-dog’s time out there, too. I did pop out on Wednesday for an appointment and evening trivia, and I gotta tell you, I came back in smelling like wood smoke. It’s supposed to rain here tomorrow, and I hope it helps. I can’t imagine what it’s like being closer to the wildfires.

I sound like I’m complaining, and I really don’t mean to. I’m lucky. I know other people are dealing with this on a much bigger scale. It’s affecting lives and livelihoods and homes and wildlife and it’s terrible. And I’m worried for those living in places more impacted than my little corner of Virginia. I’m worried for what’s happening to the planet.

Not a positive post for a Friday, is this? I do have some happier content planned for next week, I promise. But for now, this is what’s on my mind. I’m sure it’s on a lot of minds.

And I just really hope it gets better soon.

Focus? What focus? (Or, The Art of Writing in a Construction Zone)

/ Katie / 5 Comments

I find myself once again at the end of a month without a completed short story to post. I’m working on it today, and have been for the past several days. It’s a good one, but not quite done. And that’s just going to have to be okay. I’ll have it up on Friday, so be sure to check back.

Why the delay? Well, a few reasons.

The first is that it’s not easy to focus when you’re living around dust and dealing with construction noise. Don’t get me wrong – our contractors are amazing, they work fast, and they do a really good job of cleaning up at the end of the day. But when you’re me, and (controlled) chaos in the house feels like (uncontrolled) chaos in your brain, it’s still just difficult to work around. The good news is that the dining room ceiling is stable and sound…

…and work has started on updating and expanding our master bathroom.

The second is just that life is just busy right now. I’ll share more on that next week, but for now, I’ll just say that there are lots of things, including renovations and construction, vying for my attention at the moment, and they’re all important, and I’m just not balancing them super well. I’ll endeavor to work on that in the future.

And the third? Well, it’s me. I’m the problem. I’m allowing things to distract me, and I’m making excuses. They’re good excuses (see: above), but I need to prioritize my writing. It’s as simple and as difficult as that.

So, onward, and by Friday, May’s story will be written and posted and done and dusted. The house, however, will not be dusted. And that’s okay, too. For now, I write.

Who’s afraid of the dark?

/ Katie / 18 Comments

Not me! I swear! (And you can’t see whether or not I have my fingers crossed.)

If you’ve been here for a while, you know that I love a good ghost story. But I confess, I do feel a little disconcerted in the dark. I can’t sleep in a totally dark room. I don’t like walking alone at night, despite living in a very safe (and thankfully, relatively well-lit) village. I love night time, when everything’s quiet and it feels like you’ve got the world to yourself. But I’m just not a big fan of the dark.

Unless we’re talking 90s TV.

90s kids – know where I’m going?

One of my favorite shows growing up was called Are You Afraid of the Dark? It featured a cast of kids who came together around a campfire every week to tell spooky stories. And guys, some of the episodes were genuinely, and still are surprisingly, scary. I loved it. And I’ve been revisiting it lately in my downtime. I still love it, and despite the obvious 90s fashions (bright colors! plaid! baggy jeans!), it actually holds up pretty well! (If you want to check it out, it’s streaming on Paramount+.)

On top of that, watching some of the episodes today, I feel like it explains a lot about the adult I’ve become. I love old houses. I love antiques. I love creepy stories. I love telling them around the fire in my back garden.

I can’t walk into a magic shop – or really any curiosity shop – without hearing (in my head) “That’s Sard-O! No mister. Accent on the DO.” Isn’t that funny? These things we love when we’re children, they never really leave us. And to tell you the truth, I don’t think I’ve ever really, completely grown up.

I still love cartoons and kids’ books. I absolutely will look for fairies in the meadow on a foggy morning. I even laugh at fart jokes. (Not always. They have to be good fart jokes, if such a thing exists.) And yes, despite knowing that there’s nothing there that isn’t there in the light, I am still afraid of the dark. It’s okay. Everyone’s afraid of something.

And frankly, I hope I never lose my sense of silliness. I hope I always get a little shiver thinking about what might be lurking behind me in a dark hallway. I hope I continue, all my life, to seek out magic.

So, yeah, I’ve put it out there now: Who’s afraid of the dark? Me. It’s me. Hi. What about you?

I Love Mondays

/ Katie / 14 Comments

Strange? Maybe. But true.

Back when I was still working a corporate job, I used to dread Mondays. I’d stay up late on Sunday nights, just trying to squeeze a little more time out of the weekend. I’d sit in bed and replay the previous week, I’d worry about issues and deadlines, and I’d wonder, over and over again, how I had ended up in a job I hated so much. It wasn’t pretty.

Now, all these years later, and after working hard to build the kind of life I’ve always wanted, I genuinely look forward to Mondays. I head into every new week excited about what I can do with my time and how I can write and read and volunteer and actually see my friends and eat dinner before 9:00 p.m. every night. I enjoy making a list on Sunday evenings so that I can start the week out strong. I wake up happy. I wake up ready for a new start and fresh week.

What a change.

I’m grateful that I can feel this way. I know it’s a privilege, and I know I’m lucky. And I’m really feeling that today – the sun’s shining and it’s warm outside, Merlin and Annie are both looking out of the windows trying to spot their favorite little creatures, and Graham’s sitting at the kitchen table, working away on his own stuff. It’s a good day. It’s a good life. These last few months have certainly been better than the ones that came before.

I’m happy. I’m grateful. I’m determined to make this a good week, and it starts today.

(And I hope it’s a good week for you, too!)

Found Friday #47: A Very Good Gatsby Memory

/ Katie / 4 Comments

This photo popped up in my memories earlier this week.

Apparently, I took it in May of 2007. I don’t remember the when, but I do remember the why. Graham had just come home from work, and Gatsby immediately curled up right beside him as soon as he sat down. And stayed there. It was just such a sweet moment I felt like I had to capture it, and now, all these years later, I’m so glad I did.

I look back now – at how young Graham looked, at how much Gatsby always loved us, at how lucky it was that I had a camera nearby – and I’m grateful. I’m also reminded that we are legacies for the people (and animals) that we love. Even when they’re no longer with us, we carry them in our hearts, and so they’re never really gone, as long as we’re still here to love them and remember them. How very powerful that is.  

Travel, Rain, and Trying to Write a Short Story

/ Katie / 19 Comments

Well, owing to a combination of a very busy week and my own poor planning, here we are, precariously close to the end of the month, and I haven’t even started April’s short story yet. Sigh.

We’re visiting family this weekend, and we drove down yesterday. It’s so nice to see everyone! And I desperately want to spend this time together, rather than tucked away in a corner trying to write. The good news is, it’s raining today! (No, seriously, this is good.) That means that it’s probably going to be a quieter, slower day, so maybe I will have some time to step away and work for a bit. We shall see.

The other good news is that we brought both Annie and Merlin down with us. Annie loves road trips, but cats don’t usually like to travel (an understatement), so we wondered how Merlin would feel. But he’s been doing great! He didn’t complain in the car, and once we got here and he explored a little bit, he pretty much decided he owns this space now, too. That cat…totally unflappable, I’m telling you.

Anyway, if you don’t see a short story from me by Sunday, I promise to post one next week. And that means two stories in May! Which is breaking my rule a bit, but I figure, we make exceptions for things that matter, right? And family matters a whole lot.

In the meantime, I wish everyone a wonderful Friday and a lovely weekend. Happy creating, y’all!