Personal Essays

Happy Friday! (Or, Lots of Good Things)

/ Katie / 21 Comments

And it is a very happy Friday indeed! Why? Well –

First of all, I passed my 3-hour glucose tolerance test. “With flying colors,” said my provider. The test itself was just as awful as I thought it would be, but I’m still grateful for it, and I’m grateful to know the results. The momentary discomfort is worth the knowledge, and if things had turned out differently, I would have been glad to know that, too. Once upon a time, I wouldn’t have known at all, and the outcome for me and Baby Girl might very well have been affected. I’m thankful to be alive and pregnant in a time when testing like this is available, routine, and designed to help both mama and baby stay healthy.

So, yay! I can still have cake and other lovely sweet stuff, which is nice, because yesterday was our ten-year wedding anniversary, and Graham and I celebrated with a really good dinner capped off with a very tasty dessert.

White chocolate bread pudding with apple gelato and jam. So, so delicious. (If you want to get it, too, and find yourself in our little corner of Virginia, then I’d encourage you to check out The Ashby Inn and Restaurant in the beautiful village of Paris, Virginia.)   

Ten years married, almost fifteen together, and Graham is still my favorite person in the whole world. 10 out of 10. Would marry again.

And on top of the other good stuff this week, work on the kitchen is coming along wonderfully and should be done quite soon.

The tile looks great, the cabinets and countertops complement each other exactly as I thought they would, and the retro-style appliances fit right in.

Not every week is a great week, but this one’s been pretty good, all things considered. I’m 28 weeks pregnant today, which means I’m officially in my third trimester, and I just can’t wait to meet this baby. I know our world will look very different soon, but I’m ready for those changes, and excited for them. Right now, the future sure does look bright. And I’m just very, very happy.

I hope you are, too.

Merlin’s Monday Reminder

/ Katie / 2 Comments

When you’re anxious, when you’re busy, when life just feels a little overwhelming…

Smile. Laugh. Be positive. Because mindset is a powerful thing.

(Short story up in Wednesday, so come back and visit! Wishing everyone a good week of creating and being awesome.)

I Failed, Y’all (Or, The Dreaded Glucose Tolerance Test)

/ Katie / 36 Comments

If you’ve been pregnant, you know what I’m talking about. And hopefully, you got a better result than mine.

Because I failed.

Let me back up.

With the disclaimer that I am not a doctor and I’m only giving a high-level overview based on my understanding, here’s what I know. One of the standard tests you get when you’re pregnant is a blood test to see how your body is processing sugar. You start with a screening test, and it’s important to do, because it can determine whether or not you have gestational diabetes, which is bad, if left untreated. Your medical provider will give you a super sweet, syrupy beverage to drink in five minutes – I promise it’s not actually that terrible and tastes mostly like a melted popsicle – and then an hour later, will draw your blood to check your sugar level. Sounds simple, and really, it is. If you pass, you’re good to go. It gets a little more complicated if you fail.

Which I did.

Not by much, but by enough that I am now required to take the three-hour diagnostic test. This test will tell me definitively whether I have gestational diabetes. It’s an important thing to know, and I think something like ten percent of women will develop gestational diabetes in their pregnancies. From what I’ve read, it’s often not a result of lifestyle choices, and has a lot more to do with hormones and how your body reacts to having a placenta. I’m grateful to be alive and pregnant in a time when this test is routine and available, and when gestational diabetes is something we know how to manage. But man, I’m just not looking forward to that test. It’ll be a total of twelve hours of fasting, a larger sugar drink, and four blood draws total over the course of three hours. It’s not going to be fun. But it’s worth it. It really is.

So, I’m planning to take it easy this weekend. I’ve got a short story to write, which I’m planning to post on Monday. (And by then, it will only be eleven days late!) And then the test on Tuesday. Work in the kitchen continues, and we’ve officially got three months until Baby Girl’s due date.

Things are happening, y’all. It feels like barely controlled chaos in my house (in my life, I think) right now, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.  

Time Marches On

/ Katie / 18 Comments

As of today, we’ve got 100 days left until Baby Girl’s due date. It feels like forever and way too fast to get everything ready.

As of yesterday, Merlin (the Magic Cat) is a year old.

As of this week, the kitchen’s coming along nicely. New paint.

One section of countertops and a new sink.

And lots left to do. But even small steps are steps forward.

It’s short story time, and I’ve got nothing. I plan to work on it throughout this week and weekend, but it will be next week before August’s short story gets posted. We’re visiting family starting tomorrow, and I just know I won’t have time.

Time, time, time. Funny thing, isn’t it? Infinite, theoretically, but it certainly doesn’t work that way for us. But as the old song says, it certainly marches on.

I’ll be taking a break Friday and Monday, but I’ll be back on Wednesday, hopefully with a late short story for August. In the meantime, I wish y’all happy creating! And if you’re in the US, a lovely holiday weekend!

24 Weeks (Or, What a Difference One Year Makes)

/ Katie / 24 Comments

As of last Friday, I am 24 weeks pregnant. It’s a tricky topic, but 24 weeks is generally considered viability.

A milestone.

On August 18th last year, I had surgery for a missed miscarriage that didn’t resolve completely until November 30th. Those months were one long, waking nightmare that I would not wish on my worst enemy. To say I am grateful to be here, right now, is such an understatement, but it’s all I got. I’m happy and sad. I’m anxious and hopeful. I feel powerful, and humbled. I’ve just been dealing with lots of feelings these last several days, and I’m trying to let them wash over me while I focus on looking forward, and on feeling Baby Girl kick around inside my belly.

None of us are ever defined by the worst thing that’s happened to us. My life is full of joy and light, and soon, I’ll be able to share that with a small human I already love so much.

What a difference a year makes.

Happy Birthday to Me! (Also, 37 Things That Make Me Happy.)

/ Katie / 51 Comments

It’s my birthday!

I’m 37 today, and grateful for every moment of this life. I feel like I was 16 two seconds ago. Isn’t that strange? And while I’m older, I don’t know that I’m necessarily all that wise. I do think I’m wiser than years past, though, and this year, I think the most important thing I’ve learned – which I already knew, but man, has it been a lesson learned and relearned this year – is that you can choose to be happy.

My mom always told me that happiness is a state of mind, but I don’t think I ever really understood it until this last year, when I’ve had to choose to keep going, to smile, to find the good things, over and over. And choosing to be happy this year doesn’t mean I haven’t been sad, because I certainly have. But there’s so much in my life to be thankful for, so much that makes me happy, and I know, even in the darkest moments, that in my life, there is light.

All of that to say, in honor of my birthday this year, here are 37 things that make me happy.

  1. Annie and Merlin. I love those crazy animals, and they make my life brighter just by existing and sneezing on me.
  2. Graham. Of course Graham. All these years we’ve been together, and he is still my guiding star.
  3. My family and friends. And now we’ve covered the big three. But seriously, I’m surrounded by kind, loving, creative, wonderful people. They inspire me every day.
  4. The dewy green smell of fresh cut grass in summer.
  5. Fresh brownies right out of the oven with a cold glass of milk.
  6. Cake. Any kind of cake.
  7. Going on adventures. Big adventures and small adventures. I just like exploring.
  8. Learning something new.  
  9. Picking out a new book to read.
  10. That bittersweet feeling when I’ve just finished a really good book.
  11. Candy. I love candy the way a kid loves candy. I could, in fact, eat it for dinner. But my 37-year-old body disagrees.
  12. Doing something that scares me. I’m not good at this, but I do always feel proud of myself when I’ve been really afraid to do something and then I’ve done it anyway.
  13. Old trees.
  14. Pretty flowers.
  15. A rainy Saturday with a cup of tea.
  16. A sunny Saturday on the patio with friends.
  17. Playing music with people who love to share their music with me.
  18. Playing trivia. Even when my team loses.
  19. Mayonnaise. On fries. With some hot sauce mixed in.
  20. Apparently, just food. Lots of food on this list. But not ketchup. Ketchup is trash.
  21. Getting up early enough to watch the sunrise.
  22. Sleeping in with Graham and the animals on a Sunday morning.
  23. That musty, familiar smell that somehow exists in every antique shop ever.
  24. Christmas decorations. I put them up earlier and earlier every year. We’ll see what happens this year, though, with Baby Girl due right around early December.
  25. People who laugh at stupid jokes. No need to be serious all the time, right?
  26. Howl’s Moving Castle. The book and the movie. They both just make me smile, every time.
  27. Clean laundry. Especially if someone else puts it away for me.
  28. That moment when I’m writing and I know the story’s done. You know that moment? That’s such a cool moment.
  29. The Blue Ridge Mountains. My home. No matter where I go in this world.
  30. Really good craft hard cider, especially if it’s made with heritage Virginia apples. If you’ve never had cider made with Virginia Hewes crab apples, you’re missing out.
  31. Driving down country roads in the fall. No better way to see those beautiful autumn leaves.
  32. Wood fires.
  33. Looking up at the stars in winter.
  34. And while I’m thinking about winter, snow.
  35. Our pokey, cozy old house in this wonderful little village. I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else.
  36. Collecting weird knick-knacks. Bonus points if I have no idea what they’re meant to do.
  37. Just being alive. I know it sounds cliché, but I’m here. Right now. I wake up every day and I can make things and do things and meet people. It’s amazing!

I hope that 37 is good to me. I hope that this year is full of laughs and fun and good memories. I know I can’t control everything that happens, but I can control how I choose to live. And I choose to live happy.

*A quick note – I won’t be posting on Monday. Taking a small break for my birthday weekend. 🙂 But I’ll be back on Wednesday, August 16th, hopefully with an exciting kitchen update!*

Time to Write

/ Katie / 23 Comments

Things have calmed down around here after some unexpected stress in the middle of the week, so I feel like I finally have some time to sit down and really write. That’s how I’ll be spending my weekend. So, expect July’s short story on Monday – a little late, but life happens.

And in the meantime, here’s a sneak peek at our butcher block countertops!

Work on the kitchen starts next week. It’ll be a whole different kind of chaos from this week, and I can’t lie, I’m looking forward to it.

Onward, and happy creating, y’all!

So…where’s the July short story?

/ Katie / 9 Comments

Alas, here we are at the end of another month, and while I’ve got a pretty good start, I just don’t have a good enough finished short story to post today. Why? Well…

Our refrigerator broke over the weekend, and suddenly, I had this brilliant (read: crazy) idea that here was our opportunity to replace ALL of our appliances with the retro-style, bright white stuff we’ve been ogling for years. The problem? Money. (Usually money when it comes to renovations, right?) Luckily, I think we found a good option, but it’s been stressing us both out, me and Graham, since Saturday. I expect we’ll get everything ordered by tonight though. And I promise to post pictures when things arrive.

Also, I started working on our baby registry over the weekend. I am. So. Lost. I’ve got a checklist I’m working from, and I’ve gotten advice from lots of very wise people who’ve done this before, but I just feel so intimidated by everything we need to get, and by how many choices we have. It’s just…a lot. It’s a lot. It’s worth it, and for a few minutes, it was even a little bit fun. And I know I’ll be relieved when it’s done and shared, because people have been asking, and it’s so nice and very appreciated that they’re thinking of us, and I feel like I’m behind. One thing at a time, right?

And now that we’re past 20 weeks, though I don’t think I’ve ever been so grateful and happy in my life, I’m also anxious in a whole new way. Like, we’re over halfway there. She’s going to be here in no time. And if something goes wrong (God, I hope nothing goes wrong), it’s going to shatter me. I’m not thinking fatalistically. I’m actually very excited and feeling like everything will be fine, but anxiety isn’t rational, and those fears just creep in without warning. Often at the worst times. Like today. When I’m trying to finish this short story.

Anyway, if you’ve been reading this long, I suppose I just really wanted to give an update and share that July’s short story will be a little late. I want it to be good, not just to exist, and to do that, with how scattered my brain clearly is, I just need more time. Expect it on Wednesday, which means two short stories in August!

I’ll end (it’s past time…this has gotten pretty wordy, hasn’t it?), I’ll just say that I’m so grateful that these are my problems. They are good problems, and I know that. I am privileged to have this kind of stress in my life. This is just a moment, and it will pass. So, onward. The future is bright and happy and filled with very cool new appliances and a beautiful baby girl, and it’s so close.  

21 Weeks (Or, Oh I’m Definitely Pregnant. Very Pregnant.)

/ Katie / 39 Comments

Baby Girl was not particularly feeling like having her picture taken, but we had our anatomy scan this week, and she’s in there, growing and bouncing around.

I’m 21 weeks pregnant today, and we’re officially over halfway there. I have a hunch she’ll come early. We’ll see. At least we already have a couple of names picked out, so we’re a little more ready for her when she gets here. (Side note: I was born six weeks early. My parents did not have a name picked out. I was nameless for a few days. I have made it my goal to avoid that situation. So far, so good.)

At any rate, after a fall this weekend – scary, but all appears to be fine – and then the anatomy scan on Tuesday, I’m just feeling very, very…pregnant. I don’t know how else to describe it. My belly has grown, my balance is off, I’m hungry all the time, I have to pee every half hour or so. I’m also happy, and hopeful, and anxious, and so ready to meet this little girl. For someone who didn’t want children and couldn’t fathom the idea of being somebody’s mom until I was about 35, I sure am eager to get started. Although, I guess I already have, haven’t I?

On my list for next week: Create a registry, start on a nursery, and plan (with the help of very dear friends) a baby shower/party/something. I don’t really want a traditional baby shower. I want all of the people we love to get together and play music and eat food and laugh and help us to celebrate our soon-to-be (already-there?) daughter. Presents optional. Presence appreciated. Is that weird? I don’t think that’s weird. And we’ve bought both a smoker and a wood-fired pizza oven in the last few weeks, so we’ll be able to make plenty of tasty treats for everyone. Fun, right?

The truth is, I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m just trying to do it well, whatever it is. And I suspect, very much, that this is parenthood.

So, onward. I wish I could speed up time. I wish I could slow it down and savor these last days as just Graham and me. I wish I could sleep though the night without getting hot and having to run to the bathroom six times. But more than anything, I wish for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. I know that even though it feels like a long way off, she’ll be here before we know it.  

Summer Break!

/ Katie / 28 Comments

I’ll be taking a blogging break next week, from July 17th through July 21st. I’m still planning to read all of your wonderful posts. I just won’t be writing any of my own. Why?

I’m going to the beach!

Okay, I know this is something I do fairly often. It’s the advantage of marrying a beach kid. 😉 But this year feels a little different, a little special, because it’s the last time Graham and I will be heading down to the ocean as just the two of us. This time next year, we’ll have our little girl, and we’ll be three. So exciting, and I can’t wait to see her reaction to the waves and the texture of the sand.

But, for now, I really want to unplug as much as possible and just enjoy this time with Graham, before things change. It’s a good change, but a change nonetheless. I’m so happy and grateful, but also soaking in these last few months before we’re parents.

So, happy creating in these next several days! And I promise lots of fun stuff when I come back, including July’s short story. I haven’t started it yet, but I plan to make it a good one!