Brave, sweet Lucy – Our Lady of the Bright Blue Eyes, Chaos Goblin, Merlin Friend, and My Best Girl – started a week-long summer day camp today.

It is a new era.

Five days, 9:00 to 3:00. The theme for this week’s camp is super heroes and fairy tales, and I think she’ll love it. I’m a mess.

Drop off went okay this morning. Graham and I both went, and I dressed her in her favorite shirt, and packed her a lunchbox with some of her favorite foods, and told her before we left how much fun she would have at “school.” When we got there, she was a little intimidated, and wanted to be carried by her daddy. She was big mad that we couldn’t play on the swings right that moment. But she eventually discovered a table full of counting toys and as she sat down with the other kids and started to play, Graham and I snuck out.

We ran a couple of errands. Got home, made coffee.

I’m sitting at my desk, in a quiet room, with Merlin snoozing away beside me. And I’m a mess.

I hope she has so much fun. I hope she makes new friends and loves everything she gets to do, and that she’s excited to go back in a couple of weeks for another adventure. I think she needs this, being an only child. I think it will be good for her.

I’m a mess.

I’d share a picture of me, but…I’m a mess, and no one needs to see that.

If I’m being honest, I’m handling this really well. I haven’t cried (yet) and I’ve made a list of things to do with my free time (I don’t remember how that works, actually, that free time thing) and I’m pushing aside my list of worries (what if she hates it, what if she cries, what if she gets hurt, what if the other kids are mean to her, what if, what if, what if). I know that one of the many hardest things about being a parent is that if you do your job right, your little kid (your baby, the light of your universe, your reason) will learn to live in the world and do things and have a life without your help.

Oh, my heart.

It’s going to be an interesting week. Please send good vibes for Lucy and for me. And check back on Saturday for another Ten Years collab post. It’ll be a good one!

Now, where did I put my coffee cup?